More discarded Facebook status updates:

Irene Casarez Palma:

• is getting a little tired of people commenting on my newly acquired "waddle."
• didn't sleep all that great last night in spite of the ideal conditions (it rained).
• the other night I woke up at 1:30 convinced that it was time for Patrick to get up for work. He agreed with me, expecting me to just go back to sleep, but instead I kept waking him up, saying, "Pat, it's time to get up." Finally he explained that it was only 2 a.m. I went back to sleep and woke up the next day very confused.
• I'm sick and tired of getting up in the pitch black morning.
• finally cleaned the baby's closet out. Threw away a lot of stuff I had no business keeping.
• found a bunch of photos of Drew's family and wondering if it would be appropriate to send them to him. I haven't spoken to him in years, though that last conversation was relatively friendly.
• wonders why one of my co-workers feels the need to speak to me everytime she leaves the office. She's a nice lady but I'm not really required to be verbally informed of her whereabouts at every moment of the day. Write it down and we'll all be happy.
• I need a nap.
• When I started making this list of discarded FB status updates, I should've dated them. I think the oldest is at least two years old. This current list is from December 6, 2010.
• In less than 8 weeks I'm going to be somebody's mother.

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• mitigating that weird tired emotional feeling by watching "Concert for George" again. "Arpan" = good for whatever ails you

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• wishes all the City Garage-ers good luck at the LA Weekly awards tonight
• hopes you call and make a reservation for "The School For Wives" playing at City Garage, Saturday and Sundays (310) 319-9939. You won't regret it. Also, The Bourgeois Gentilhomme is playing Fridays only!
• did indeed buy the piccolo she mentioned a long time ago that she wanted and loves, loves, loves it
• is thinking about things she shouldn't be thinking about
• told someone to "fuck off" last night who she REALLY hopes doesn't take her seriously; though, chances are good that this person didn't even notice (which is part of the reason I was so mad; yes, this is confusing)
• needs to get to the gym again
• wants a massage
• needs a massage
• is listening to Kings of Leon, The Bird and the Bee, Deerhunter, Love and Rockets, and Radiohead almost to the exclusion of anything else
• is getting a bit sick of reading about Frank Lloyd Wright's private life. Sorry, T.C. Boyle. Maybe I'll pull out "Budding Prospects" again instead
• is probably going to have popcorn for dinner again tonight
• is a bit stressed out about this jury duty business. Being on a case is a little scary
• wants to play her flute
• needs to play her flute
• has to go to work tomorrow instead of jury duty and is actually kinda glad
• is really enjoying her BareMinerals makeup

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• may have a fat ass, questionable style, rampant self-deprecating humor and a dim inner light - but sometimes I can be damn funny
• will never wear high heels to a flute concert again - thus, all my pants will be hemmed
• is watching the movie "Elf" and finding it surprisingly amusing
• is sure she's seen people wearing more questionable outfits at Panda Express on a Sunday night. While technically not my pajamas, I will admit that they have played that part in the past. Look: I was at least wearing a bra
• is waiting for the dude who bought my piccolo on ebay to leave (positive, preferably) feedback
• is doing laundry
• hates doing laundry
• is selling her Armstrong piccolo on ebay
• needs a new piccolo stand
• Flute World here I come
• is supposed to be following a rather restrictive diet since last month and hasn't started yet
• has a strange feeling
• stayed up too late Thursday, Friday and Saturday

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• just told her mother to be brave, and to pray that God knows what [s]he's doing
• feels a little funny about that

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• has a feeling that rainbow in the sky ends... at her house!
• wonders why are there so many songs about rainbows
• absolutely does not brake for rainbows
• figures that song came out right about at the same time she stopped liking the B-52s so much
• wonders if by secretly loading a bunch of damn Data Rock songs onto her iPod, Patrick has broken some divine rule
• is walking twice a day, four days a week with the girls at work
• thinks that Metallica should have named their new album "Dethklok"
• won an iPod Shuffle! (no, for real! It wasn't a pop up!)
• has eaten enough popcorn in the last week to kill a pig
• really, really, needs to exercise
• was waved at by an old guy on a 3-wheeled bike on her way home from work while she had the stereo up too loud
• overheard a woman asking a worker at Target, "What song are you playing right now?" They weren't playing any song... or were they? Which one of us is wrong?
• bought another dress she'll never wear
• can't wait to go to the LA County Fair with Sarah and see the goats!
• registered for flute choir. Did you?
• doesn't understand why VH1 Classic is playing a Duran Duran concert that looks like it's from this century, and doesn't understand why she's watching it, and doesn't understand what the hell happened to Simon Le Bon's face
• realized today that she doesn't like baby showers, and in fact, isn't all that comfortable at most parties
• has still not recovered from week one of working from 7-5:30 for four days a week
• really really needs to go to bed
• started writing a story about the "first time" but then mentioned it to her friend Rachel, who remembers saying the word "eww" when she told her about it at the time; "eww" seems like a bad reaction
• will say that it involved a recreation of a scene from a movie, which at the time, she didn't realize, because she hadn't (and still hasn't) seen the movie
• is instead working on a Stewart Copeland story (by "working on" she means, cultivating the idea in her brain and not yet on paper. As if she works with paper anymore)
• is for some reason irritated by Patrick's ability to sleep anywhere, including now, on the couch, while she's watching the stupid Duran Duran concert on VH1
• is watching a marathon of "Canada's Next Top Model," which Patrick finds to be more "civilized" than America's Next Top Model
• listened to Patrick state that Canadian TV is "so Canadian" and laughed her head off
• sweated her way through tonight's performance of BAD PENNY
• start[ed] her new job on September 8
• is about to have lunch from Fake Tito's
• wonders why 7 pounds feels like 20
• saw "The Rocker" last night - cute but not amazing
• wonders where the scruffy teens walking down her street came from
• may be suffering from Olympics overload
• is reading a silly sci-fi novel that's like 1,000 pages long and loving it
• thinks Peter F. Hamilton is Robert Heinlein minus the misogyny and the civics lessons
• needs to eat something
• wishes Patrick a most happy birthday: August 11
• wonders what's going on with the women's USA gymnastics team??
• LOVES the Chinese women's team!
• met Anne Frank the cat last night and is in love
• made Bo laugh (not a euphemism) about 100 times last night; he returned the favor
• has 38.5 days worth of music on her iPod and wants more
• better back up her music
• is gonna go to Super Mex tonight for dinner with her niece and nephew and their parents
• just got a call from someone who called her "Porsha"
• wonders if this is the same person who rang the bell earlier today
• wonders who rang the doorbell a few moments ago
• wonders if whoever rang the doorbell noticed her hiding behind the computer monitors or heard her laughing while re-reading David Sedaris' "Me Talk Pretty One Day"
• wonders if 12:00 is too late in the day to still be wearing her nightgown - nah
• thinks it's kind of interesting when she runs into people she knows rather superficially who have been reading her blog and those people seem embarrassed, or confused, or annoyed
• would like to know some of those people better
• has started telling people at work that she's transferring, and has been pleasantly surprised by the stunned and sad reactions
• wonders if her co-workers are amazing actors
• will miss AC, LD, EC, and her 24" monitor the most
• wants one of those little hats the athletes from Brazil wore in the opening ceremony for the Olympics
• caught Laura Bush (not George!) checking her watch during the opening ceremony for the Olympics
• will be doing the lights/sound/slides (!) at City Garage for BAD PENNY through September 7
• is working on "The Emperor and the Bird of Paradise"
• had a huge crush on Ian Clarke when he was at the flute convention in San Diego and how she got all nervous when she got to speak with him! No, that doesn't sound familiar at all
• spent almost $200 at Fresh & Easy tonight
• is still waiting for Fresh & Easy to launch their ad campaign using the Eagles' "Take It Easy" as their theme song
• cannot shop at Fresh & Easy without humming "Take It Easy" and yes, that's an incredibly annoying song
• is carpooling tomorrow to Santa Monica with Bo and once again finds herself in the driver seat (not a euphemism - unfortunately!)
• wonders who will catch that "unfortunately" first?
• wonders if they will take it seriously?
• would like for them to not take it seriously
• when are these damn bangs going to grow the fuck out?
• is going back to work now
• hopes the slide projector at City Garage was destroyed in the earthquake
• had a great concert on Sunday
• is listening to "Hands Off... She's Mine," by the English Beat
• is back on the 5/40 work schedule
• will be visiting Santa Cruz (actually, Aptos) by way of San Jose
• wonders how long it will take for these ill-advised bangs to grow out
• isn't used to Bluetooth yet - it kinda hurts her earlost her Bluetooth earpiece
• drove part of the way home from Culver City last night with a purple piece of paper under the wiper on the passenger side of her car; she exited the freeway at Rosecrans, thinking it was a parking ticket or message from a secret admirer only to find out that it was an advertisement for an insurance company - THEN - upon getting back on the freeway, she was the second car behind the cops doing a traffic break, and she thought that her detour and that stupid piece of paper may have saved her from a sure death in a fiery car crash (cue "Motorcrash" by the Sugarcubes)... except the break was for just barely getting started road construction near the 110. Oh well. Slow for the cone zone!
• wants popcorn for breakfast
• found out that her uncle used to cut the hair of the nuns (not a euphemism) who lived at the church she's playing at tomorrow
• learned just the other night that "Nice & Easy" isn't just a marketing ploy
• likes the word "carroms" (I think it's the name of a fIREHOSE song)
• has a friend who adopted a kitten from these people who named the kitty "Anne Frank"
• thinks naming a cat "Anne Frank" is pretty funny
• will probably name her next cat either Molly Hatchet or Dale Nixon
• still thinks Dave Grohl is a gum-chewing girlie man
• thinks kitties should have last names (hello, Frances "Smush" Palma"!)
• made the same mistake again another month in a row - making her idiocy at least a year long - yay for me!
• is reading 1984 and a biography on Walt Disney at the same time
• is finding horrifying similarities to her current work situation in both books
• wonders what kind of a person gets a version of "Sexy Back" for their license plate
• is banging her head against the wall at work (thanks, kid, now all I'm thinking about is the sex life of pigs, a topic I had been really good at avoiding until now)
• is pretty much too bummed out by work to do much blogging lately
• misses you a little
• knows the feeling isn't mutual
• didn't mean to imply that just because she doesn't have $1,200 for a new piccolo, also isn't that upset about it; her plastic and wood combination piece o' crap is surprisingly in tune and relatively easy to play, it just has to be warmed up and ready to go
• can't swing "That's a-Plenty" and is glad Joe is playing flute 1
• will be less than five minutes late to work tomorrow if it kills her
• thinks it would be really un-funny if she gets in a car accident tomorrow morning on the way to Downey
• honks at people who do stupid things on the road and doesn't appreciate it when those people get pissed off. Drive right or face the consequences, jerks
• thinks her boss should call her when she's not going to be in the office in the AM and there are no appointments on the calendar but her boss apparently feels otherwise
• wants to go to the OC fair and drool over the goats
• saw a beautiful leather bag at the mall last night... made out of goat leather. Can't do it, sorry
• is glad there's a new season of Project Runway but has been disappointed by the winners of some of the other reality shows she watches - so she's not gonna get too attached to anybody (especially Kelli, the trash bag lady, and the cup dress dude)
• just bought a bag identical to one she already owns
• has decided she doesn't need an iPhone or the extra charges for the data charges but promises to continue to drool over yours
• finally had dinner at Versailles yesterday
• is uninterested in laundry, housework, paying bills, practicing or even taking a shower, and would like instead to just lay on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn, a cold drink, and a book
• is watching all the people going to the open house across the street and is starting to miss her neighbors already
• is, but shouldn't be, and rather wishes she wasn't, strangely attracted to Scissor Sister's version of "Comfortably Numb"
• walked into this guy's office the other day at work and he was listening to Maroon 5. If she didn't think he was a giant tool before, she sure does now
• is listening to a bunch of Pink Floyd covers
• thinks that in the photo currently plastered all over iTunes, Beck looks like he should be holding a giant lollipop and wearing a sailor hat

• would give it to you if she could but she borrowed it
• doesn't have $1,200 to buy a slightly used piccolo
• is looking for the power button
• hasn't had a diet coke in two days and seems to think this is something of which she can be proud
• was about to embark on a marathon day of laundry when, during the very first load, the damn machine overflowed and Patrick is out there now, trying to fix it; meanwhile, the driveway is full of lots of soapy water
• is in love with the creamy chicken soup at Souplantationwonders why they keep changing the goddamn soup at Souplantation
• has a headache, a head full of snot and a fever
• can't believe she just wrote "head full of snot"
• is experiencing Internet lagtime because Patrick is downloading a stupid John McLaughlin record
• thinks "latency" is a really cool word, too
• found out that a guy she knows knows another guy she knows in another town and is strangely obsessed with "small world!" sappiness
• has a fever and a runny nose
• had a work-induced crappy day
• told her co-worker whose name rhymes with "Irene" to "go home on time for a change"
• kind of wants a MacBook
• bought $56 in pens and Post-its at Staples tonight
• has an odd fixation on pens and Post-its right now
• thinks her neighbor's Scion sounds like a fancy lawn mower
• : putting one foot in front of the other since 1972
• was told today that there is a direct connection between people with sinus troubles and the weight of the sadness that we all carry around with us
• has made the same mistake, month after month, on almost the same day, for about a year now
• wishes she knew somebody named "Elliot Sneen"
• : unintentionally insulting people she hasn't seen for 20 years ("I still got it!")
• is wondering when it would be a good time to wash the dishes that have been floating in what Patrick calls "primordial soup" for about 3 days already
• has a sick husband
• has a tummy ache
• had the high school reunion dream again
• finally realizes that being a loser doesn't make you special (David Spade, Kathy Griffin excepted from this rule)
• once told a 17-year old kid to "get the fuck out of my car" and then drove away in a haze of rubber and never thought about him again
• one part of that story is a lie
• still hasn't joined a gym - or a yoga class - or ridden her bike in an month - or gone for a walk - or stopped drinking diet Cokes - or upped her water intake - or eaten more vegetables - or practiced in a week
• reported the Yard House in LB to the Department of Public Health for possibly giving her and Patrick food poisoning
• is watching the kid across the street play solo catch and kind of wishes she could go out and join him, except she sucks at catch
• is not enjoying Peter Sagal's book on Vice as much as she wanted tothought Peter Sagal's book was a huge waste of time and now doesn't even like listening to Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me (unless Tom Bodett is on)
• was almost run over yesterday, twice, and neither time involved a Frito Lay truck (and thank God for that, because Rachel and Melissa were nowhere to be seen)
• wants to know when Culver City became the office supply store mecca of the world (there are at least 3 within 1/2 a mile)
• wants to know where Kathy Griffin got that orange cover for her iPhone
• wants Tito's chips and salsa
• had a pretty good idea when she started the Stewart Copeland business but now is stuck and can't think of where to go next with it
• wants to stop starting sentences in her head that begin, "Irene Casarez Palma..."