Coyote Wonder

Earlier this morning, it was reported that three coyotes were spotted in the area where many of my co-workers, myself included, walk on our breaks.

The email said that the coyotes were spotted "wondering" around in the area.

This of course opened a rabbit hole from which I have yet to climb.

The coyotes have been named, in my head, sight unseen: Sandy, Elmer, and Butch. If I should encounter one, my first question, of course, is going to be, "So. Coyote. Whatcha thinkin' about?"

You should take note that in my head, I have been pronouncing the word "coyote" as "ki-yot."

My friend Andrea and I have been discussing this at length, via email. I haven't done this in a while, but here is our complete email exchange thus far (oldest at the bottom), because obviously I think we are funny:

From: Irene
Sent: Wednesday, May 27, 2015
To: Andrea
Subject: RE: Coyotes on the walking routes

In the 3^rd grade, at camp, I was a surprisingly accurate marksman with a bow and arrow. However, at that same camp, there was a solar eclipse in the middle of the day, and we were all stretched out on rocks like the kids on the cover to Led Zeppelin’s Houses of the Holy. It’s possible there were other mysterious forces at work. Aliens, probably.

Thank you for the offer of weaponry. I will rely upon my wits and street smarts if I have a run-in with Sandy, Elmer, or Butch. “BACK OFF, KI-YOT!”

Does ACME have a 1-800 number?

From: Andrea
Sent: Wednesday, May 27, 2015
To: Irene
Subject: RE: Coyotes on the walking routes

I wouldn’t. They may not be the fun-loving, “Wile E.” type. Is a long range crossbow an option or is that too obvious?

How about a giant anvil with ACME embossed on the side?

From: Irene
Sent: Wednesday, May 27, 2015
To: Andrea
Subject: RE: Coyotes on the walking routes

 NO. Can’t I put a coyote in a sleeper hold?

 In my head, I keep pronouncing “COYOTE” as “KI-YOT.” I’m a hillbilly. Or something. Cracking myself up.

 Or I’ve lost it completely.

From: Andrea
Sent: Wednesday, May 27, 2015
To: Irene
Subject: RE: Coyotes on the walking routes

Did I ever buy you a taser?

From: Irene
Sent: Wednesday, May 27, 2015
To: Andrea
Subject: FW: Coyotes on the walking routes

 This is my favorite thing to happen today.

 Should I run into one of the three coyotes (whom I have named Sandy, Elmer, and Butch, without seeing them), I will be sure to ask, “Man! What kinds of things does a coyote about?” CUE “True Men Don’t Kill Coyotes.” (The only RHCP song worth mentioning. And I think it might be a cover.)

How are you?

From:
Sent: Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Cc:
Subject: Coyotes on the walking routes

(Notification that coyotes were spotted. Actual text redacted.)