Seriously

On Saturday, I had an acupuncture appointment. I've started up again, and I love it. My acupuncturist is an RN with a PhD in something, and she rocks. She always starts out my sessions with asking me how I'm doing, and if I feel better since my last meeting with her. On Saturday we were talking about my weight.

See, I'm up about 10 pounds from where I had gotten, thanks to Weight Watchers. I stopped Weight Watchers a while ago, and had kept off the weight somehow, but in recent months, I've gained back some of what I had originally lost. And even then, 10 pounds lighter, I still had a way to go. Lily asked me (and by the way, I always trust people named Lily/Lili now. I've had good luck with them) how I feel about my weight, and if I wanted her to target some area on my body that helps with suppressing your appetite. I told her that I know I need to lose weight, but that I haven't really changed anything that I'm doing yet. She said, "Oh, you're not serious about it yet." She didn't say it meanly, just - Okay, you're not serious.

After she inserted all the needles and hooked me up to the machine (I've forgotten already what the machine is called, but it stimulates the needles for some sort of added benefit), Lily left the room. So I layed there and thought about what she had said.

It's true. I'm not serious about it yet. I guess I would prefer to talk shit to myself than actually do something about it. I left the following message for my friend Bo (I leave weird messages for Bo all the time; a couple of weeks ago I sang "Like A Virgin," and told him it was part of my "Praise and Worship Series" because the week before I sang "Like A Virgin," I had sung an old hymn we used to sing at the wacky church my mother attended in the 70s): (Imagine the following sung to the melody of The Who's "I'm A Boy") "I'm a cow, I'm a cow, I'm a cow-cow-cow, I"m a cow, I'm a cow, I'm a cow..."

See, that might be funny. In fact, I know it's funny, because I laughed about it. But it's probably not a good idea. And the really bad part is, that's the least of it. I mean... I've been having some pretty bad conversations with myself about this.

I'm not sure why I'm doing that. Oh. That's a big fat lie: I know exactly why I'm doing it, and I know I need to stop it.

I'm going to try!