Today was hard! Patrick switched days with a coworker so he couldn't go with me to my appointment with the lactation consultant. Jules was sweet all morning and for the drive there, and just when we got to Kaiser and I was getting all cocky about my parenting skills, he lost it in the parking lot and continued to lose it all the way to the office. I found a bathroom and changed his diaper but he was still pretty mad.
At my appointment, the consultant (her name is Ruth) weighed him and then had me feed him so she could weigh him again. She wasn't super happy with his weight. At his last appointment with the pediatrician, she noted that he was small but wasn't concerned.
Ruth, however, is concerned that I might not be making enough milk.
It's true that I've been having trouble with one side but he continues to eat and poop and pee, and though it hurts like he'll sometimes, I keep feeding him from that side. I have no choice, I know I have to. I saw my OB a couple weeks ago about the pain, and she wrote me a prescription for ibuprofen, which mostly helps. Ruth said that she thought it was only because I'm so determined to feed him that he's gained but that he should be doing better.
I was bummed. I mean, I can take fenugreek to increase my milk, and she can write me a prescription if that doesn't work, but, and this might just be me being tired, as nice and helpful Ruth has been, I kind of felt like I am failing to Properly Feed my child. I'm sure that wasn't her intention, she wants to help, but I got upset.
Anyway, I bought a pump, which I will need when I go back to work. I need to practice using it. I came home and took my ibuprofen, fenugreek, and prenatal vitamin, and a little while later, fed Jules. But now I'm questioning if I'm doing it right and worried he's going to be hungry. She also gave me a nipple shield to try for the pain, and it worked in her office but here at home, Jules hated it and kept crying so I sucked it up and took it off.
Patrick is on his way home, and I'm glad.