Tuesday, March 15, 2011


Today was hard! Patrick switched days with a coworker so he couldn't go with me to my appointment with the lactation consultant. Jules was sweet all morning and for the drive there, and just when we got to Kaiser and I was getting all cocky about my parenting skills, he lost it in the parking lot and continued to lose it all the way to the office. I found a bathroom and changed his diaper but he was still pretty mad.

At my appointment, the consultant (her name is Ruth) weighed him and then had me feed him so she could weigh him again. She wasn't super happy with his weight. At his last appointment with the pediatrician, she noted that he was small but wasn't concerned.
Ruth, however, is concerned that I might not be making enough milk.

It's true that I've been having trouble with one side but he continues to eat and poop and pee, and though it hurts like he'll sometimes, I keep feeding him from that side. I have no choice, I know I have to. I saw my OB a couple weeks ago about the pain, and she wrote me a prescription for ibuprofen, which mostly helps. Ruth said that she thought it was only because I'm so determined to feed him that he's gained but that he should be doing better.

I was bummed. I mean, I can take fenugreek to increase my milk, and she can write me a prescription if that doesn't work, but, and this might just be me being tired, as nice and helpful Ruth has been, I kind of felt like I am failing to Properly Feed my child. I'm sure that wasn't her intention, she wants to help, but I got upset.

Anyway, I bought a pump, which I will need when I go back to work. I need to practice using it. I came home and took my ibuprofen, fenugreek, and prenatal vitamin, and a little while later, fed Jules. But now I'm questioning if I'm doing it right and worried he's going to be hungry. She also gave me a nipple shield to try for the pain, and it worked in her office but here at home, Jules hated it and kept crying so I sucked it up and took it off.

Patrick is on his way home, and I'm glad.


  1. Hey, it's Shannon, this is my crafty blog :) I had a lot of trouble breastfeeding at first too, and it spiralled into horrible anxiety, I completely stopped eating, it was really bad. I know everyone says not to, but Rudy was *hungry* and I knew I wasn't producing enough. I started using formula when he was about 6 days old. By the time he was 3 months old, I was producing enough milk to feed him completely on my own. And he never, NEVER had problems going back and forth from me to bottle. Try not to worry - you will get through this. I felt like a huge failure too, and it's hard not to.

  2. Thank you Shannon! I know I was tired yesterday and so maybe a little dramatic. I really appreciate your comments, here and on FB. Encouragement from someone who knows and has been there means a lot.

    Also, I love your sewing! Those number blocks are adorable! I would love to order some for Jules but I saw your project list -- girl, you're busy! :-)

  3. You are very welcome. It occurred to me last night that I didn't tell you one MAJOR thing that helped Rudy and I get our breastfeeding straightened out - I started feeding him laying down on my side, with us face to face. I know everybody is different but that worked for us, and none of the nurses or lactation consultants suggested it.

    Thanks for the compliment on my little project - I would love to make some for Jules! They have been fun and I expect I will be making more, since I have many friends with babies. And my ginormous project list is really just a brain dump of all the things I have thought about doing. I figure if I write them all down, then they don't have to knock around in my head quite so much, perhaps making room in my head for other,more constructive thought? Not sure if it's working.

  4. As a blogger I am contractually obligated to advocate the art of writing stuffdown! It works!

    You mentioned lying down to me one before; it's also in the La Leche League book. I tried it when he was a couple weeks old but we didn't have much success. Coincidentally, I tried again this morning and it was great!

  5. Yayyy! Persistence pays off, for sure. They change SO much in the first year, don't ever discount something you tried once or twice and failed at previously. That applies to so many things - feeding, methods of comforting him, toys, etc etc. I think their main job for the first year is to teach you how much you DON'T know.