This morning, after I got out of the shower, I sat down on the edge of the bathtub to put some lotion on my legs (this lotion: this stuff is genius good, I'm addicted to it), and I felt something on my leg. I wasn't wearing my glasses yet: I can find my legs just fine without them. I thought it was one of my own stupid errant hairs (postpartum alopecia sucks) that was tickling my leg, so I didn't think anything about it (I should've known better: this has happened to me before). But I kept feeling it, so finally I brushed it... and saw something black go flying across the bathroom.
It landed on the white shelf and I grabbed my glasses, and I saw that, of course, it was a spider.
A spider. A spider was on me. A spider was ON ME. I screeched (yeah, yeah, I screeched) something unintelligible, and I heard Patrick rushing over to the bathroom. He knocked on the door (he's so polite, but dude: I SCREECHED. You can COME IN), and then he came in. He saw the spider, then left to get something to capture it with. He came back with a little glass bowl and a piece of paper. While he was gone the little bugger moved but he found it and took it outside, declaring, "That's just a garden spider."
As far as spiders go, there's no "just" in describing them. And how's he such an expert on spiders? How did he know it wasn't a baby brown widow?
Anyway, later on, the baby was taking a nap with him, and I was doing the dishes, when I found another one in the sink. What the hell is up with all these water-loving spiders? I went to tell him, but JP was sprawled out on his chest so he couldn't get up, so.. I went to deal with it myself. I got another little glass bowl and the Babies R Us coupons we just got in the mail yesterday, and I got the sucker. I put another little glass bowl on top of the other one and left him on the counter. He's a smart spider: the ad is a picture of two babies against a bright green background, and the spider only sits on the brown parts in the photos of the babies (hair, eyeballs; nice). There was a touch and go moment when, right after I caught him, he appeared to have curled up and died, but nope, he's still kicking it in there. I'm waiting for Patrick to be able to escort him out into the yard. If he's a garden spider (IF) then that's where he belongs.
Two spiders in one day! And I think I made some kind of breakthrough here. Yeah. I think I did.