Maturity is a bitter disappointment

So, I, as it turns out, have a bit of an infection. I spent New Year's Eve in bed with a fever (not a euphemism), and I felt like total, ran over by a dump truck, crap.

If I had stopped and thought about it, I'd been feeling totally rundown for a couple of weeks. And then I had a little soreness on my left breast that was getting worse (which I was treating by ignoring it). And, well, that's how this mastitis shit works.

So I spent New Year's Day mostly in bed. My mom and sister came over to help us with Jules. I did my best but nursing on that side was, and still is, really painful. And that's the other thing about mastitis: you can't stop nursing. Or it will get even WORSE.

I had some pretty low points yesterday. My temperature was around 100.3 most of the time, but at 3 am (and one other time, earlier in the day), it was 101.7. I'd been taking Advil and drinking lots of water, but I was having serious body aches, and my head hurt, and my boob hurt, and Jules wanted milk. There was a bit of crying going on, because I forced myself to do it. It really, really hurts. This is major pain, here.

Anyway, today I got in to see my doctor, who prescribed an antibiotic and better ibuprofen. He also suggested I stop nursing but I know that's not how it works. You can't stop. I can't stop. I can whine about it, I can get emotional, but this is my job. I need more sleep: I need to fix that, yes, but weaning Jules isn't going to make him sleep all night. I have to figure it out, as his mama, and deal with it.

For now, I'm feeling a little better. I don't think I have a temperature but I haven't checked… I'd do it now but I can't find the thermometer.

So I had a little time to rest today, and I'm going to do that again tomorrow. Somebody suggested I take a nice bath, and I almost always take this person's advice… that's the only thing on tomorrow's agenda. Oh, and to not feel like crap. That too.

Good night.