Merry freakin' Christmas

I haven't had much to say, lately, and I offer up the following not as a an excuse, really, but as an opportunity (yet again) for you to laugh at me:

• I have a zit on my cheek so big I swear it has a pulse. I think it's trying to signal the mother ship.


• Pauly just emailed me the photos from the most recent Flute Choir concert and I am so pleased to find that I actually look as fat as I felt. I think I like it better when I'm just delusional and experiencing a mild attack of body dysmorphia.

Work has begun "the 12 days of Christmas," which means every day since last week until Christmas at least two different people will be bringing in food for the entire office. And tomorrow and Wednesday we're supposed to go out to celebrate two separate events (birthdays and someone's leaving). Plus, last week we had our Christmas party, which was fine, until someone decided it would be a good idea to have a room full of adults play "musical chairs."

• Patrick and I just put up some outside decorations we purchased tonight at Target. In the dark (put them up in the dark, I mean, Target was well-lit as usual). I'm sure our neighbors were laughing at us. In fact, I'm pretty sure we were entertainment for at least 3 households.


• Last night we finally watched the latest Indiana Jones movie on Pay Per View. Harrison Ford is old, and he still has no ass (anybody else remember the shots of Han Solo running around in any of the original Star Wars movies? No? Surely it's not just me). And yes, that's my only commentary on the movie.


• We also saw "Fred Claus." That's got to the be the dumbest movie ever made. The Val Kilmer classic "Real Genius" has been on for the last couple of weeks, and while that's certainly no "Citizen Kane," I would still rather watch "Real Genius" over pretty much any Vince Vaughn movie, ever.


• Did I mention I have a HUGE ZIT and that I've been eating everything that's not nailed down? Yes. Fat and pimply makes for a very Merry Christmas, indeed.

Actually, this is all a cover, because to tell you the truth, I really do feel the spirit of Christmas this year, and I've done a few things outside my normal scope (for instance, on the way to Target, I sang "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" with Patrick, who corrected me on a couple of lines I had remembered wrong; this is not a real example, but a placeholder for actual things that I've chosen not to enumerate here today) and there are some other things coming up that I'm excited about. So mostly I'm just faking it, the grumpiness. I'm not really a grump, I just play one on TV. Though if I were really on TV I'm sure there'd be some sort of makeup person who could COVER UP THIS ZIT FOR ME. Hello? I think I just heard it order a Diet Coke.