Sunday, August 5, 2012

One last thing: Usher

People magazine has this inane feature on their very last page where they ask a celebrity some silly questions. I am always amused (or is it bemused?) by their generally stupid answers... I mean, what's so special about these people? And so I decided to play along. I'm just as fascinated by myself as they are. Or something.
I'm sitting in the nail salon, and they have the June 18, 2012, issue. The subject is Usher. My answers will follow his, which, honestly, sound like they were tweeted. 

Usher: Last night. I stay up all night, every night. I work late or plan things for the following day. I usually get three or four hours of sleep. But I can function. [So can I, Usher! Try breastfeeding for 18 months!]

Irene: Last night. On a regular basis, I try to go to bed by 9:30, which is around Jules' bedtime. We realized that trying to put him to bed earlier just makes us all unhappy, and he will almost always go grab his stuffed kitty cat and go to his room on his own by 9:30, sometimes earlier. Yesterday he took a nice long nap during the day, however, and wasn't sleepy until around 10:15. He fell asleep with me on the couch, watching the Olympics. I stayed up until around 11 until I crashed, too. No matter what time I go to bed, though, he wakes up around 1:45, 2 o'clock every morning, and again at around 4:30. I feed him, and then hopefully we both go back to sleep. And then the alarm goes off at 4:45 and I get up to start my day. Unless it's the weekend, when JP will sleep until 6 or 6:30.

Usher: Last week was safari week at my sons' school. I wore huge, goofy shoes shaped like gorillas [what???] and a safari hat. It was so perfect, but I looked ridiculous.

Irene: I was in a play called "The Bacchae" at City Garage theater about 6 years ago. My costume was a black leotard and a large diaphanous scarf thing that covered my entire body. I was "Flutist."

Usher: At an art store, they had a cool cookie jar on the counter. It's a papa bear with two baby bears climbing on him. It reminded me of my boys (Usher, 5, and Naviyd, 3) [That's a sweet story, but what the hell kind of art store sells cookie jars? Did he paint it himself?].

Irene: Lunch. I won't tell you what it was but it was very, very, bad.

Usher: The Price is Right. I know all the prices. I'm famous for a bargain [really? that's what he's famous for?]; it's good to know the price of things [yes, Usher, this is true. It is good to know the price of things]. And it's a fun show too! But, you know, it's just not the same now that good old Bob Barker is gone. [Right, good old alleged sexual harasser Bob Barker. And, I HATE this show. I suspect that Usher and I would have very little in common.]

Irene: NBC's coverage of the Olympics. I don't get to watch too much TV these days!

Usher: It's my pet peeve when I go to a restaurant and the silverware isn't new. So I always ask for a tall glass of boiling hot water, put the knife and fork in it and clean them off. But I'm not a germaphobe! [This is the weirdest fucking story I've ever heard. Questions! a) what the hell restaurants is this guy going to? b) can't he afford to just carry his own sterilized gold-plated utensils with him? c) wouldn't it bug the hell out of you to have this guy ask for a glass of boiling hot water??? And the people who dine with him - they just sit there while he immerses his "dirty" utensils in a glass of hot water? Does he also carry dish soap with him? Usher, this habit of yours would be my pet peeve.]

Irene: We had a minor fly infestation over the weekend in the kitchen, thanks to a banana we didn't even know we had that committed suicide in a corner of the counter where typically bananas don't even go - it was gross. Luckily I wasn't home when Patrick discovered the banana, but I did see the flies themselves, who were taken care of with some simple non-toxic fly strips (and lots of patience). I washed the whole kitchen. Literally.

What's he doing in this picture? Does his knee hurt?

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