Friday, November 12, 2010

This week

On Monday, my mom had a second operation on her knee (she had a full knee replacement last September), and I haven't really written too much about it because when I got the news that this was necessary, I have to say that I was pretty pissed off about it.

Not at her, obviously.

She just had a CT scan about a week ago (we're still waiting on the news) to determine what the status of her cancer is, and then she has to have yet another surgery. This time last year she was recovering from the first one, and then started chemotherapy the week of Thanksgiving.

I was so hoping she could just continue to gain her strength (she's had a few months off from chemotherapy) and be ready for whatever the CT scan says, but nope, she's in another cast, unable to walk, still in the hospital, waiting for the fucking CT results.

Yep, I'm still pissed off about it.

The thing is, this second surgery is supposed to be good - the surgeon was unhappy with the way her knee had healed, and he says that this time he will correct whatever was making her foot point the wrong way and hopefully get her able to not have to use the walker all the time, and strengthen everything up, and signs are totally pointing that he's right - yesterday the physical therapist took her up some stairs without the walker, and come on, that's pretty major (three steps, but still), so I shouldn't be mad about the surgery, and I'm not, I'm just pissed that since this whole thing started she never seems to get a chance.

I want her to have a chance. I want her to see that she has a chance, and I want her to stand up and take it. How can she do that if she's in a cast? Or starting chemotherapy again? Her hair is finally starting to grow back, and it's this soft grayish white color, and I want to see more of it.

Anyway, you know, it's going to be okay. I have to get up and get ready to go to the hospital to see if she's really going to get to go home today, because it's my job to drive her there and I hope and pray that this trip home is better than the last one.

Wish me luck.

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