Back in the saddle

I'm back at work today.

I'm not thrilled about it. After being a full-time mom (for three months), getting up at 4:15 a.m. to feed the baby, take a shower and get on the freeway by 6:15 was not fun. I had no idea, when I got pregnant, that I would adapt to being home all the time so well (and with a minimal display of my previous lazy disposition).

I'll be honest: at 9 o'clock last night, after I put the baby down for bed and I was getting my stuff ready for this morning, I didn't want to go to sleep. I (cried) told Patrick, I don't want to go to bed because that means it'll be tomorrow sooner. But I did go to bed, snuggled up with my little cutie, and we got up at 12:30, 2:30, and 4:15. He's almost on a consistent schedule, but I was surprised he woke up at 12:30 (he usually makes it to 1:30). And then, when it was time to leave? I cried before I put the car in reverse to get out of the driveway (and again, when I transfered from the 91 to the 710. And again, when I got off the freeway and made that left turn towards work. And again, when I pulled into the parking lot).

In an effort to find something good about this, I have come up with the following Pros about being at work (the Cons I assume you can guess):

• I can go to the bathroom alone, and whenever I want.
• Shit! I knew there was another one but I've forgotten it already.

Since coming in at 7 a.m., I've pumped twice (for a total of about 10 ounces of milk; not bad), read about 200 out of 567 emails, realized that I forgot the names of two of my co-workers, eaten lunch, gotten two "we're doing fine" texts from Patrick, called him once to see how he's doing, and printed out 5 photos of the baby for my bulletin board.

It'll be okay. I know I'm not the first woman to regret leaving her baby. That said: it still sucks.

Wouldn't YOU want to be at home with this cutie?