How fast are you?

Because honey, I am fast.*

89 words

Learn Touchtyping

*Fast not verified. I'm sure there are faster typists. Typers? Whatever.

Today I asked Paul to be a reference for me. A character reference, as it turns out, because the one time he and I worked together (at Rizzoli, where we received paychecks. At City Garage, where he's the General Manager and I am an itinerant booth worker, we do not. Apparently this does not count), technically, I was his superior. Hey, he said it, not me. Oh, just read for yourself:

[Insert gross, overly sticky thank you from me for his willingness to be a reference here.] Be sure you say that I am responsible, hard-working, willing to work for free, sometimes extremely funny in a highly inappropriate way, good-looking, clean, and that you've met no one in your tenure at City Garage who pushes "go" with the same amount of professionalism and verve and aplomb that I do. Oh, and modest: don't forget how shy I am about tooting my own horn. Add that I smell good occasionally (not all the time, let's not go overboard) and I'll buy you lunch if I get the job. No, wait, please just tell them the first two things, if they even call. That I can write halfway intelligently and have never killed anyone will probably secure me the position (but let's not get cocky, Irene). You have my permission to wax poetic.

What does working together for money have to do with anything? What do you call all that cash that passes through my hands when somebody wants a Diet Coke or something? Sheesh.

Pauly, keep in mind that no matter where we go, I just might still be your superior, so let's just cut out the "were" business, buddy. And, yes, in the absence of David E. Frank, manager extraordinaire, I think the definition of " boss" did apply to me at the time. You seem to forget who wrote the schedule and processed the timecards, but I will forgive you for your failure to remember the inner workings of my duties as the "Operations" manager. We can agree to disagree on this one, and without the slightest bit of torture I will even cop to being wrong. However, I'm not changing whatever it was that I said that made you doubt that I was your boss once upon a time. I stand by all my ridiculous statements. I'm a straight shooter: I shoot 'em straight. I have, like, moral rectitude, such as, and/or whatever.