From an old NY Times article about Paula Poundstone

(Follows is a random bunch of words that seem to say what I meant to say but then somehow... don't. I started writing this and found myself confused and using the dictionary and the thesaurus and going, "what's that word that sounds like...?" I don't think I've had a stroke, but you wouldn't know it from this post.)

Paula Poundstone's manager was quoted (in 2002; click on the title of this post to read the whole thing) as saying of Paula's comeback after her arrest and subsequent legal troubles,

"I'm optimistic because I don't know what else to be."

It's not exactly applicable to me or what I've been thinking about (my mom's health) as far as context goes: these people were trying to repair a derailed career (according to the article, Paula earned 1.2 million dollars a year; those earnings took a nosedive after her legal and personal troubles), though I don't think at issue was merely Paula's earning potential (I think she's a good woman, and a comeback probably a matter of pride for her) <-- that was a very confusing sentence, and I'm not even done yet. Anyway, I'm not sure why Bonnie's statement (I know her name because I am Paula's "friend" on Facebook, and sometimes Bonnie updates Paula's status; you know it's Bonnie because the status is suddenly not funny. Also, she says, "Bonnie, Paula's manager here..." when she starts each update) struck a chord with me, but it did, and I'm sharing it, albeit, not very judiciously ("judiciously" is not exactly the right word but it's very, very close).

Argh. I want to be optimistic because I don't know what else to be. Not because I'm hiding from the truth, but because optimism is the only choice. Does that make sense? Well, sense or no, it's what I want.