Last night while Patrick and I were sitting in the Cerritos Center for Performing Arts, waiting for the concert to begin (you can read all about our experience at the concert here), we had a little bit of a discussion that was kind of illuminating to us both.
I was telling him about all the things that I can't stop thinking about in regards to this little baby I've been growing, all the anxiety that seems to come on me every once in awhile all at once. I said, "We are going to be responsible for this little baby! We have to make sure he gets into college, that he gets good grades, that he's responsible, that he's polite, that he learns to drive, that he's smart, and interesting, that he has clean clothes and a clean, comfortable place to sleep, that we keep him clean, that he has food, that he has lunch."
And it was this last item that seemed the most poignant to me, the one most easily visualized. I don't know how to explain it - we sat there in the auditorium and kind of laughed at how crazy it is to try to enumerate all the millions of things we're going to have to do that we've never done before for the rest of our lives. Even though people do it all the time (thank God!) it's so overwhelming sometimes. And maybe I got a little crazy gleam in my eye that made me look like I was about to cry, or crack up. This feeling reminds me of that old Anne Lamott story about her brother who had to write a story about birds and felt overwhelmed by the sheer incredible volume of all the different types of birds, and their dad told him to just get started and go "bird by bird." He may have said, "bird by bird, buddy," but I'm pretty sure I'm imagining Anne's dad as a member of the Glass family, and that would be inaccurate.
You all (by "you all" I am referring of course to the 5 people who regularly read this blog) have assured me that we can do this, and that Patrick and I will figure it out and I'm sure we will, I just have to get a better handle on thinking about it, because I mean, yeah, we will figure it out because we have to: the alternative is unthinkable! I have approximately 18 weeks in which to do so.
On the other hand, it's probably all just related to having what someone referred to as "pregnancy brain." Could be. I currently cannot remember the name of that place that makes the cute little arrangements of fruit that you can have delivered and I've been trying to remember it all day.
In the meantime, flute choir for me tonight, and I am very much looking forward to it. I hope the little one enjoys the music: I wonder what it will sound like to him?