I have a problem

(No, not this still, well, not really - it's getting a little better, though I am still, you know, but I've taken some medicine, which makes me a little sleepy, and now I'm a bit achy, but I've decided I'm not going to talk about it anymore.)

For the past several months I have been religiously recording all the re-runs of the West Wing that have been shown on Bravo. When I started watching they were in the middle of the second-to-last season. I hadn't really watched the show when it was on the first time, maybe once or twice, but the re-runs got me hooked.

I'll be honest, it started with Bradley Whitford (I'm probably the only person in town who liked "Studio 60"). There is something incredibly attractive about him on this show. It must've seemed pretty funny to Rob Lowe, who was probably set to be the show's "heartthrob." Anyway, I kept watching and I fell in love with all these characters: C.J., Charlie, Donna, Toby, Leo - and now I'm hooked.

Patrick, however, is not so enamoured, and will not even watch shows or movies that I tape that have stars from the show in them (Psych, etc.). He's kind of sick of it already.

Anyway - so now Bravo has started showing the very first episodes again, starting with the pilot, and I've been sucking up those episodes like a kid with a Slurpee, and I love it, still. But now I have a problem, because we're on to a storyline that I must've watched the first time around, because I know what's coming up. In fact, I remember watching it, and I remember not watching the show anymore after what's about to happen. I'm nervous about it all of a sudden.

See, it's the storyline where C.J. has to get a bodyguard (played by Mark Harmon). I think when I first watched, I only saw the episode that I have paused right now, so I didn't know all the buildup and I hadn't gotten invested in the characters - but it's not good, what's coming up. I know now that after getting a little emotionally involved with her bodyguard, and thinking that the guy who was going to kill her has been arrested... I know that Mark Harmon (I forget his character's name...) is going to get shot at the end of this episode, and it's going to be sad, and they're going to play Jeff Buckley's version of Leonard Cohen's song "Hallelujah" and it's probably not going to kill me as much as it did when Josh was shot and Patrick came in the house to find me crying on the couch - but I'm not looking forward to it.

So. I have the TV paused right now and I know I could just turn it off and not watch it again since I already know what's going to happen, or I could turn off the sound or I could delete the episode... but I kind of want to watch.

Isn't that sick?

It's kind of funny, because if they had chosen instead to kill off Josh's girlfriend Amy, I would not be this nervous about it.

You know what? I just changed my mind... I'm not gonna watch it. Deleting now.