Perfection

...is overrated.

...

Can't write this, in detail. Just: remember how I like to play myself off as being a flake and a free spirit? I know, I know: nobody's buying it, Irene. But I like to pretend to be that way, at least here, where I know that when you read it it might sound more believable in your head than it does, you know, in my actual voice (I've been saying "actual" a lot lately, haven't I).

The point is, I'm not. I'm not a free spirit. I am a flake, but it's also because I'm a procrastinator. Yes, this is a that list. Anyway. See, I'm a human being, yeah? I mean, it might say "...the Bean" in my blog title, but truth be told, I'm not a bean. I'm a 35-year old person who will soon be 36 who feels old and a little bit, um, OLD. I'm someone who makes mistakes. And lately, I might be making a lot of them. Lots and lots (and no, I will not be making a list of them to go with this list. What, am I talking crazy tonight? Yes?). See, and I guess I think that "flakes" and "free spirits" make mistakes, but the difference between them and me - the difference between THEM and ME - is... I imagine that they don't care, that they make a mistake, learn from it, walk away carefree, and either don't commit the same mistake again, or they do, and they shrug it off.

I've not been doing much shrugging, lately (read: ever).

...

I've had to pee since about 20 minutes ago. And now? I think I'm gonna go do that.

Good night.