Response to the question, "How do you like them apples?"

[Context removed to keep things interesting.]

I don't understand your questions, sir. Was this addressed to me?

...them apples seem fine, though, personally I prefer Fiji apples (or is it Fuji? I always get them mixed up); my father knows, amongst his "friends with weird names," a guy named Fuji (also in this group: Wing and Junk - these guys call my dad "Flash," or at least that's what he told me when I was a little girl. I believed him, but now I'm not so sure), which doesn't really explain why I get confused by Fuji vs. Fiji, but still, it's a nice story, with a trip down memory lane and a nice, happy ending, isn't it. No, wait, we haven't gotten there yet, have we.

("Junk's" real name is "Chauncey." Cool, yes?)

And, whereas the phrase "timing is everything" has gone a long way toward explaining my life's journey and the side-trips I have and have not taken, having you in the booth with me on November 17 and 18, 2007, will cause me to double up on my antiperspirant application and ensure that my breath is fresh, and that's about it. As I'm sure you know already. Well, and it will require me to know just what the fuck I'm doing.

Ah ha! The happy ending! It has been found! Joyous applause, everywhere.

...

I took a math assessment today for a class I want to take. There are several components (or "modules" as they are referred to) and unfortunately math is one of them. I didn't even try to study - math has never, ever been my strong suit.

(Just a question... what are my strong suits...? Oh, yes now I remember...)

Anyway, there will be no grade or repercussions for my idiocy (no hanging, no public flogging), just, depending upon my performance, I will either need to take either just one, or two, math classes. We weren't allowed to use calculators or anything, but were provided with scratch paper, upon which, among all my ridiculous attempts at calculation, I drew my infamous little clock, and wrote these words:

"I suck at math."

Then, forgetting all about it, I went about the task of wildly guessing the answers to questions I haven't seen the likes of since, I don't know, 20 years ago. Once I completed the test, I turned in my scantron, my test booklet, and my scratch paper. Upon which I had written, "I suck at math."

Brilliant.