Yesterday, a co-worker, who has more reason to wander the buildings where we work than I do, showed me where a Coke machine is located. I was pretty excited about her discovery.
In our building, on our floor, we have a snack machine (stocked with cookies, candy bars, chips, baked chips, candy and other items starting with "C," and, oddly, frosted strawberry PopTarts*) and a Pepsi machine, but seriously, what kind of freaks drink Pepsi? My co-workers, I suppose. Well, just proof that there's no accounting for taste. The Pepsis dispensed from that machine are in bottles, and while I might consider drinking a Diet Pepsi now and again out of sheer desperation, everybody knows I don't drink any soda out of bottles (unless they're glass bottles and shaplier than I am). Disgusting! I prefer that tasty nickel-plated aluminum flavor. But I digress.
So. Knowing my fondness for Coke products, yesterday this co-worker took me for a walk halfway around the world for a can of Coke (irony of ironies: I didn't buy one, and merely watched her transact with the machine). Truthfully, "halfway around the world" is a gross overstatement: it wasn't that far. Wouldn't you walk 0.29 miles for a frosty cold Diet Coke? And, thanks to MapWalk.com, I found that I can actually burn 28 calories on the round trip trek. But again: I digress.
Today, when it was getting near to lunch time, I gathered up the three quarters I had tipped out of the Martinelli's bottle at home, considered changing my shoes (but didn't), told my other co-worker where I was going, and bopped (I did, I bopped! I had "Walking On Sunshine" in my head and everything!) over to the other building, where the Cokes are.
("The other building," by the way, is used by mechanics and that type of worker. There are broken down vehicles on lifts and air hoses and things. And looky-loo mechanics. Next time I will change my shoes. And wear a jacket.)
I got over there, and I'm pretty sure I had a recognizable expression of glee on my face. Diet Coke, o Diet Coke, soon you will be mine... and then I noticed the red light on the machine. No, the machine wasn't broken: it had plenty of Coke products inside. It just didn't want my 3rd quarter. It wanted a nickel and a dime. A nickel and a dime I didn't have. I tried to talk it into just taking the extra quarter and keeping the dime it would owe me in change, but there was no reasoning with this stupid machine. Rather than make a profit, it chose to withhold it's goods. A very unsound business decision if you ask me, but there was no arguing allowed.
A man, standing at the snack machine to the left of the Coke machine (buying frosted strawberry PopTarts, no doubt), walked away just as I thought about asking him for change, but asking an old, possibly pre-diabetic dude for change for a quarter seemed extreme all of a sudden. Did I really need this?
The answer was "no." I put my change back in my pocket, eyeballed right back at the mechanics eyeballing me, and walked away with my head held high. Until tomorrow, you dastardly machine! Diet Coke? You will be mine.
*I used to love PopTarts. Strawberry PopTarts were the only acceptable breakfast when I was a teenager, living at home (unless my dad or my brother Andy was making chorizo and hash browns. My dad makes the best hash browns, ever). Then I grew up and moved away, and started shopping for myself and my husband (possession of husband not proof of being "grown up"). Patrick mocked my choice of breakfast ("PopTarts are good even cold!" I argued, but still, he continued to make fun of me. That sweet man does have a mischievous streak-!), so I started buying bananas, Special K bars, cereal, etc. I moved on. Then one day I was in the market, and I was all, fuck it! If I want PopTarts, then for pity's sake (I never say "for pity's sake" in real life but I like the way it feels in my head when I say it while I'm writing something) I'm getting PopTarts! Except now? Apparently all PopTarts are frosted. And that frosting is totally disgusting and inedible.
Way to ruin a totally cool thing, Kellogg's.
This freak is drinking a Pepsi on his lunch break reading your blog!
ReplyDeleteBTW Kellogg's used to make strawberry Pop Tarts wihtout the sugary frosting. I loved that frosting as a kid but can't stomach it now.
Good luck with you war against the machine, 'Rene. It's very symbolic if you think about it!
If all poptarts are frosted and all poptart frosting is disgusting, does that mean...
ReplyDeleteDamon, you are a freak of a completely different origin than the freaks in my office building. If there was just one you on the 2nd floor my days would feel much shorter. And I would get to wear the ding dong hat once in awhile.