Today's songs

Patrick and Jules were watching TV when I left for work this morning at 6:06 a.m. (my new work schedule, 6:30 to 5, is working out perfectly. Traffic in the morning has been super light, and getting home around 5:45 most nights is so much better than 6:20), and one of the shows they watch is called "Fireman Sam." Patrick likes singing the theme song in a punk style. As I was walking out the door, I started singing Bauhaus' "Telegram Sam" and said, "I think that's what you're thinking of!"

Of course I had to listen to it in the car after that.

The rest of these songs fell in alphabetically.

1. Telegram Sam, by Bauhaus (they started this journey!)
2. Telepathy, by Lene Lovich (this song is so funny. I don't think she meant it to be, but what do I know? I've been having trouble with my sense of humor lately. "Trouble" as in, I don't get when people are messing with me - it's happened twice in a week! - and get my feelings hurt. Or maybe people just aren't as funny as they think they are. Could be either one, or possibly both.)
3. The Telephone is Empty, by Love and Rockets (from Earth Sun Moon: a really great album. I might listen to the whole thing later)
4. Telephone Line, by Electric Light Orchestra (makes me cry... what a dork)
5. Tell 'em Boy!," by Mike Watt (I have no idea who's singing. Wikipedia is no help. I'll look it up later.)
6. Ten Years Gone, by Led Zeppelin (this song took me right up into the parking lot; one of my all time favorite Zeppelin songs)
7. Ten Years Gone, by Rockabye Baby! (cracks me up! If you don't know Rockabaye Baby!, and you have a kid, you should check them out. They do acoustic lullaby versions of real music, and it's pretty awesome. We have a whole bunch of them: Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Radiohead etc. JP likes them, too, but maybe because I always sing along. My only criticism is, sometimes they change the placement of the melody, or there's no obvious point at which it starts, so I'm listening to what I think is an 8 bar intro, waiting to start singing, and it turns out they've been in the melody section for 2 measures already.)

Now that I'm in the office, I'm continuing to listen from where I left off. I like the T section on my iPod. Note: I skipped some songs, so this is by no means representative of all the songs on my iPod! And, for some reason it synced my mom's music, so there's like, Dolly Parton and Jimmy Swaggert crap on there too. Obviously skipped!

1. Tension, by Minutemen (just over a minute long: totally perfect in every way)
2. Tentative Decisions, by Talking Heads (love the marching band beat)
3. Terms of Psychic Warfare, by Husker Du (I let this one play twice. Totally reminds me of a Magnolia Thunderpussy song. Surprisingly pretty, and great lyrics)
4. Territorial Pissings, by Nirvana (that off key opening drives me nuts! but once past it... awesome song)
5. Testify, by Rage Against the Machine (better than coffee but I still drank mine)
6. Thank You for Sending Me an Angel, by Talking Heads (Love!!!!)
7. That's Entertainment, by the Jam (I wish I'd been more into the Jam as a kid. I love them now but this is perfect 80s teen soundtrack music)
8. That's the Way, by Led Zeppelin (OK, this song is PERFECT. This is actually from my 80s teen soundtrack, for sure.)
9. That Old Black Magic, by Keely Smith & Luis Prima (my brother bought this for JP. It's fun. And this is a great classic song. Keely rocks it.)
10. That Was My Veil, by PJ Harvey and John Parrish (I was talking about yearning the other day... Polly Jean totally gets it)
11. TheHollowEarth, by Thom Yorke (hate to admit it but I never listened to this before. I don't even know when I got this album! Glad I heard it now.)
12. Thela Hun Ginjeet, by King Crimson (for some reason I only have a live version of this on my iPod, from their album "Absent Lovers" - needless to say, it's pretty damn perfect. By the way, "thela hun ginjeet is an anagram of "heat in the jungle." Bet you didn't know that! And these guys are such good musicians it's insane.)
13. There's a Spy in the House of Love, by Animal Logic (Stewart Copeland's band; also I think he was married to the singer. Not exactly my favorite song... it's kind of corny. Sorry, Stew!!!)
14. There's a Story in Your Voice, by Elvis Costello (with Lucinda Williams on vocals. I didn't think I would like this song... but I do. I'll be honest, I love Elvis but feel like THERE'S TOO MUCH MUSIC sometimes. How can anyone keep up?)
15. There's a World, by Neil Young (this song is all science fiction-y to me. The harp, the timpani, the flute: what was he thinking?)
16. There's Been an Accident, by Twilight Singers (Greg Dulli [from the Afghan Whigs]'s band. Really interesting song. I suggest you listen to it. It's almost but not quite got that feel of being in 8 that I love. I guess it's how the drummer is accenting the beat?)
17. There's No Secrets This Year, by Silversun Pickups (fun, poppy, great beat, and I love when the guy sings too. The last few seconds are beautiful)
18. There Ain't No Santa Claus, by Captain Beefheart (Shut up, Don!)
19. There Goes My Gun, by Pixies (I wish I was this creative. Seriously. Geniuses.)
20. There, There, by Radiohead, and Rockabye Baby!(my iPod battery needed to be charged at this point, so I switched over to my iPhone's music. I have a lot less to choose from. This is one of my favorite Radiohead songs. The Rockabye Baby! version is fun, too)
21. This is Love, by PJ Harvey (again with the yearning, Polly Jean!!!!)
22. This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) by Talking Heads (I've said it before countless times: the best song ever)
23. This World Over, by XTC (awesome 80s)
24. Three is a Magic Number, by Blind Melon (Shannon Hoon and his bandmates do a fun, perfect version of this song. Oh, Shannon. Miss you.)
25. Three Sisters, by the Veils (I love, love, love, the Veils!!!! That guy's voice is so rad. He's up there with Adrian Belew as one of my favorite singers)
26. Tick, by Yeah Yeah Yeahs (I just got this album; I'm a few years behind. This is a sexy ass song.)
27. The Tide That Left and Never Came Back, by the Veils (seriously, I can't recommend the Veils enough.)
28. Tonight, by Lene Lovich (that's her playing the saxophone. She's a trip.)
29. Too Real, by Meat Puppets (from one of my favorite albums. Every song is perfection.)
30. True Love, by X (Ah, X. You would know about love, wouldn't you?)
31. True Love Pt. 2, by X (Because once is never, ever enough.)
32. Two Rivers, by Meat Puppets (see what I mean? Awesome song.)

And that wraps up the Ts. There's probably more on my iPod, which should be charged by now, but I am drowning in music now. My brain is totally full.

No orifice necessary?

So, last Thursday, my education on sea slugs continued. I'm going to have to get a book, because there just isn't enough time before we play or between songs in flute choir for my friend Diane (the sea slug specialist) to give me the beginner's introduction to sea slugs lecture that I (without realizing it) really want.

Also, for the record: any errors in what I'm about to write are purely the result of my lack of understanding and/or ignorance. She's a scientist, and I'm confident that she relayed all this information to me accurately. If I screw up any facts it's because I'm not a good student. I tried to follow up on the things she mentioned briefly that really interested me by doing some quick Internet research, so again, any errors are purely my own fault (or the fault of the websites I consulted; all information from the Internet has a link for follow up if necessary).

Anyway, proving that I am forever immature, last week I asked her about the whole "violent mating" business that was mentioned on the website she sent me to  (http://instructional1.calstatela.edu/pkrug/lab/; now, taking a second look, I'm not seeing that anymore. Hmmm. I wonder if it was removed because of something I said? I hope not. I think it's interesting, and not because I'm lech, I just think it's interesting).

This is what I learned:

The sea slugs she's studying are hermaphrodites. Unlike Scout Finch, who, after all, was what? Seven years old?, I happen to know what a hermaphrodite is. Here's my definition (then I'm going to look it up to make sure I got it right):

A hermaphrodite possesses both male and female sexual organs.

Maybe not scientifically complete but I think that's about it. It's not that complicated of a concept, even for me.

So, okay, no biggie, right? Sure, except these slugs (or some of them?) don't decide who will take which role by politely discussing it. When they're ready to go, they are ready to go, and they both want dominance. Their male sex organ, which, by the way, emerges from the right side of their heads, is more like a weapon, sort of, and they fight each other to figure out which one shall be the giver, and which one shall be the receiver. They just start poking each other. They don't have a target, either: they do it through the skin. Hence the title of today's post (did you really need a "hence" statement? No? sorry).

Here's a scientific explanation, from here:

Hypodermic insemination, in which sperm is injected through the partner's body surface, is also widespread, particularly among the Sacoglossa. Many species with hypodermic insemination have developed special penis armature, such as a sharp stylet. In some species, sperm is injected through the body surface directly into the receptive organs while in others injection can take place anywhere into the partner's body.

So, here are two words together that should never ever be together, at least not in my experience: "penis armature." Armature sounds... painful. No thanks. I'm not kinky like that.

From freedictionary.com:

2. Biology A protective covering, structure, or organ of an animal or a plant, such as teeth, claws, thorns, or the shell of a turtle.

Also, "sharp stylet" - another two words I would prefer to not have describing my partner's sex organ. I don't even need to turn to the dictionary - I can get quite a good mental image from the words themselves.

Finally, Diane explained to me that these slugs are pretty small - less than an inch. I looked at the beautiful photographs on the website she sent me to, and imagined these guys as big winged banana slugs (banana slugs can get to be half a foot long). I guess there are some sea slugs that are that big (and please God, may I never meet a slug that big, either on land or in the ocean), but those are not the ones she's studying. The ones she's studying are tiny, and in fact, one of the ways scientists like her find them is by using their sense of smell. I'm going to have to ask her about this some more, but she mentioned that when she goes up north to study them, she can smell them (and it's a pleasant smell; I read somewhere that some slugs smell like watermelon. Diane suggested that they smell "floral"). I want to find out more about this next. When I do, you can bet I'll be sharing it with you, too.

Like it or not.

Lyrics for you today...

More lyrical silliness. I'm listening to the Minutemen while working. Today's song is Disguises. Don't be jealous, go get your own.

Disguises
The distance between black and white
Is much further than I would like
Until now I never noticed
That fascism has
Many disguises

Mollusks on Mars!

I emailed my friend the other day to let her know that I'd written about our slug conversation (here, and then again here; I'm a bit obsessed), and she gave me a little more information to share with you.

First, here's a link to the lab she works in at Cal State LA. It has lots of really cool photos of the beautiful sea slugs she works with. I think they're called sacoglossa slugs; they practice something called "kleptoplasty." That's a cool word, isn't it? Somehow this kleptoplasty makes them solar-powered, which I don't totally understand (thanks a lot, Wikipedia!) but seems really cool.

Actually, this makes a little sense to me (???):

The sacoglossans can utilise the chloroplasts of the algae on which they feed, which they keep alive for hours to months after their ingestion. They maintain the cells and metabolise the photosynthetic products; this process is termed kleptoplasty, and the sacoglossans are the only animals to employ it; some ciliates and foramanifera (protists) also employ the strategy. Wikipedia.

So they eat the algae and keep it ['s chlorplasts*] alive, which seems a little... brutal, but I guess it's "just" algae, right? Like... lettuce, I suppose? Do I have to read up on algae now? And that somehow makes them solar-powered. Also, these guys have teeth. Oh, and apparently they can turn the same algae stuff that they use for energy (do I understand that right?) into a toxin that they deploy against their enemies! I mean, come on! These guys are pretty smart. What if we could do that? I'll eat a little Greek yogurt for breakfast, and then later, when some bad guy is messing with me? Pow! There's some Greek yogurt for you, asshole!

(That website refers to their "violent mating habits", and that worries me a little. Perhaps more than the fact that they have teeth. The animal kingdom is freaky.)

In our follow up email conversation, she also used the probably very scientific term "terrestrial slug" to refer to the ones in my backyard (as opposed to the ones in the ocean), and that word got me thinking about... (of course, because at my heart I am a nerd) extra-terrestrial slugs. She told me that her advisor, who is a pretty big name in the sea slug world, was asked to try to identify the famous "mollusk on Mars."

Anyway, there you go. More than you ever wanted to know about slugs, maybe. Not me. I am sort of both attracted and repelled by the topic! It's much more fun to think about than I would've ever thought.

*Ah! Now I get it:

Chloroplasts capture light energy, store it in the energy storage molecules ATP and NADPH and use it in the process called photosynthesis to make organic molecules and free oxygen from carbon dioxide and water. Wikipedia.

Harry Bosch is coming to TV!!!!

I'm so excited! I just read a little article in the LA Times that Michael Connelley is teaming up with the guy who writes the TV show "The Wire" to bring his character Harry Bosch, my favorite LA detective, alive on my TV!

It's time to remind you that way back in 2008, I pictured Val Kilmer as Harry, and I'd like to state again that I think Val would be the perfect choice.

WAIT. I just realized that Harry's eyes are brown, and Val's eyes are blue (extremely blue, like, lost in your blue eyes blue, where would you like me to go and when blue). "I just realized" means I checked Wikipedia. Hmmm. Maybe I need to revise this, because Harry's brown eyes are apparently a big deal. It doesn't mean Val couldn't wear contacts or the fact of Harry's eyes could be changed, but it seems like an actual brown-eyed man might be a better choice? Why waste the blue eyes behind contacts?

(Can you tell I have a thing about blue eyes? It's 'cause mine are boring old brown, I think.)

If not Val, then who? Great, now I have to rethink this.

Random lyrics for you today

I know I blogged today already, but here I am, getting a bunch of work done while listening to my old friends, fIREHOSE. This song came around, and it's always been special to me.

Under the Influence of Meat Puppets, by fIREHOSE

The future holds a mystery
We talk but don't know
We hope but can't tell
We share but not all
The mystery holds fast
The future, scary
It eludes us though we try
To find meaning everywhere
We want to make plans
But to make another mistake
So difficult we care enough to try
So crazy so we sit and wonder

As a teen, which I was the first time I heard this song, the future was scary. Hey, you know what? Sometimes it still is.

A lot of times their lyrics aren't all that profound or sensical, and I know Patrick likes to make fun of Ed's delivery sometimes, but I like what they've done here. 

Slugs

Last Thursday, I was talking to one of my friends from flute choir. She's going to be leaving us soon, moving on to earn an advanced degree in marine biology. She's been a member with the group for awhile and I'm glad that her final quarter with us is in the summer, which is a little looser and (dare I say it?) more fun than our usual, "we have a concert to put on in 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2 weeks" quarters.

Don't get me wrong, I love concertizing ("have gig will practice!") and I love the challenge of it, but I also like sitting around in Patty's living room, sight reading new music or parts I've never played. We also get to talk a little more, and people tend to stick around afterwards to visit. It's nice.

This, however, is not a flute choir post. If it was, it would be over there on that blog.

My friend started telling me what she's been working on this summer.

I lack any kind of basic background in science, so my portrayal of our conversation should only make me look dumb. She definitely knows what she's talking about, I just lack the memory and scientific thinking necessary to talk about anything she said with authority.

That said, it was a fascinating conversation. Without giving too much away about her work (what do I know, this stuff might be secret), she told me that she's comparing specimens from various locations to determine if they share any genetic material. Or something like that. And then she told me how that was done (by computer, using slices that are turned into colors, which sounds pretty, and that statement right there is probably proof enough to you that I am an artistic person and not a very analytical one). She explained that there are long, long, long strings of numbers derived from the color spectrum and the computer compares them all.

I've been playing music with my friend for awhile, and I've heard her play lots of hard, beautiful music (most recently, believe it or not, she totally got into the jazzy feel of "Baby Elephant Walk," our finale at our last concert. I was playing piccolo, and she got to jam. It was fun to listen to), but to see the light in her eyes while she talked about her computer analysis and this complicated process of light and numbers - it was pretty cool.

Then, on Saturday, I was out in the backyard with Jules, and we came across a baby slug slithering around on one of the stepping stones to the garage door. I had a big load of laundry in one hand, and was holding Jules' hand with the other.

I put the laundry down so that we could look at it. It was tiny, this little baby slug.

You should know that slugs and snails and spiders and creepy crawlies of pretty much any kind? I am not a fan. In fact... I am a little scared of these things. They're just gross. But I have a boy. And I realize that boys like dirt and bugs and I'd better make sure that my attitude about those things, not necessarily bad in and of themselves, doesn't transfer to him. I don't want him to be afraid of snails just because they're "icky." (Actually, I stepped on one barefoot, a long long time ago, while walking my ex-boyfriend out to his car one night, and it's possible that that incident scarred me more than I care to admit.) And what if one day, he wants to do something like what she's doing and gets that look in his eye about slugs? Or something like them? So we kneeled down and watched this almost cute little slug wiggle around on the ground for about, oh, I'd say, 20 seconds, max.

Then I said, "Okay, sweetie, let's go in the house now!" And we did.

Updated: If I had a girl I'd be okay with it if she liked dirt and bugs and stuff too. I'm not saying girls can't like that stuff, I'm just saying that I'm not thrilled with it. I'm not trying to restrict my kid's activities based on his sex or gender, or whatever. He can do whatever interests him!

Back to it!

I came back to work this morning. I drove in drinking my yummy coffee (yesterday I had 4 cups which is way too much!) and listening to some awesome music - here's a partial playlist:

1. Lazy Eye, by Silversun Pickups
2. Crosseyed and Painless, by the Talking Heads (continuing the theme; for those who haven't noticed, this is my affliction)
3. Atoms for Peace, by Thom Yorke
4. Making Plans for Nigel, by XTC



It's quite a nice shot of my surprisingly
clean dashboard, no?

5. Everywhere That I'm Not, by Translator

There was hardly any traffic (I think I'm taking the week before the 4th of July off every year; coming back to a 3 day week is an excellent idea, especially when the day off is a Wednesday!), and I flew down the 710 (except for the time I got behind some dude doing 60 in the fast lane). Oh, and I think I saw Steve Sanders. He and I trailed each other, then I lost him for awhile. He caught up to me at the 5, and I waved as he passed. No idea if he was even paying attention but it's fun when you keep seeing the same car. Isn't it? Or is that just me?

Anyway, I got in to work 6 minutes early, and I sat in the car and listened to one more song (Love is the Drug, by Roxy Music) in the parking lot while I looked for my work ID badge, which I thought was in my car but apparently isn't. I did change purses a couple of times while I was off, so who knows, maybe it's at home. Patrick will look. The baby enjoys playing with it, so that could be the problem.

Once I got up to my desk, I had to change my computer password (it expired while I was out) and I found 149 emails waiting for me. Not bad, actually. I've had worse. Though, I was just talking to a friend who claims to receive 400 emails on a daily basis (I said "claims" as if to imply I don't believe them, but I do!); if this were my life, I might have to kill myself. Seriously. 400 emails!? No. That's all I  have to say about that: NO.

One of the messages in my in-box was this one, which was sent in response to an invitation to a Lunch and Learn session I had sent out to the whole department while I was gone.

From: MC
Sent: Monday, July 02, 2012 7:27 AM
To: Irene Palma
Subject: Nutrition sessions

Irene,

In the event you may not be aware but most of us in the Purchasing and Contracts Services are, even the week inclusive of the 12th, extremely busy with last minute deadlines before the official fiscal year closing for purchase transactions. These health-related sessions are well intended but very untimely, at least for this department.

MC

After I stopped laughing (it took awhile), I sent this response:

From: Irene Palma
Sent: Monday, July 02, 2012 7:38 AM
To: MC
Cc: AA [my boss; I thought she might need a laugh, too]
Subject: RE: Nutrition sessions

Hi, M,

Unfortunately I had no prior knowledge of the deadlines in your section. We will be attempting to schedule these events more frequently. Hopefully there will be a future Lunch & Learn that will work for you.

Thank you,
Irene

Irene Casarez Palma, Administrative Assistant II
Departmental Wellness Manager
Human Resources - Risk Management Section
(323) XXX-XXXX / Telephone
(323) XXX-XXXX / Fax

Then I got this message, which kind of blew my mind with it's earnestness. 

From: MC
Sent: Monday, July 02, 2012 7:42 AM
To: Irene Palma
Subject: RE: Nutrition sessions

That would be good. I was lucky to have learned nutrition straight from Dietitians who worked with me and for me. I will look forward to another session as we cannot know too much about what is good for us.

What is good for us? Who can say? I look forward to finding out, too. I feel a little bad for laughing now. But not too bad.

Thursday

I'm at the car wash.

My car is so dirty! I've been coming to this car wash since I moved to Long Beach 12 years ago. I can't believe I've lived here so long. They do a good job. The only thing I don't like is, they always do the Porsches and BMWs near the front, and my little Honda always seems to be parked off to the side. What, it's a nice car!

It's not the worst car here, either.

I always like pairing up people with their car. This is a nice area, so most of the people and their cars always seem fancy to me. There's an older black Mercedes sedan that I've tied to the woman sitting next to me. She's got frizzy brown hair, is wearing unfashionable but probably very expensive brown sandals, and drinking a small bottle of Fiji water. She has a nice beige leather handbag that would fit with my lifestyle quite well. She just pulled out a manilla folder with some sort of manuscript. It could be anything: I can't see it well enough to tell. I'm nosy but discreet! A contract, a play: anything. She has a pen out so who knows? Maybe she's editing her book. I seem to know a lot of writers these days.

As of yesterday I was pretty happy on my vacation but today feels a little bit like too much of a good thing. I had a dream that I went back to work today. Maybe I should. Except for the flip flops I could get away with this outfit in the office. Well, maybe I'd need a cardigan: my t-shirt is pretty casual. I wonder if new shoes would cure this feeling. I'm willing to try it. Patrick is too busy to have lunch with me. He had an interview yesterday and now has to catch up on a conference call for a meeting he missed.

My car was done faster than I expected so I never found out who the owner of the black Mercedes was. Somehow I will have to live without knowing.

Now I'm waiting for this guy to call me back. Last week when I went to the Apple store at the Cerritos mall, after telling me he couldn't replace my phone, Genius Nathan recommended that I check out this kiosk out in the mall. It just so happens they are opening a real store across the street where they replace screens, this week. The store is opening this week, was that clear? I just called the kiosk and the dude said he'd check with his manager to see if they're opening today or tomorrow. Either one works for me. Maybe foe a grand opening they'll have lower prices. I want to get this thing fixed without spending too much money on it.

Meanwhile I am self-medicating with the Talking Heads. Loud. The only thing that sucks about having a clean car is you have to wait too long to roll down the windows. I need the wind in my hair now.

Hello from... home!

Starting last Thursday, I have been off from work. In a great big blowout of vacation time, I decided to use all my accrued time and take off for a week. A week plus one day. It has been, in a word, awesome. I miss not one thing related to work at all.

Last Thursday night was the flute choir concert. Fun night! My favorite piece was called Songs of the Ocean, by a Japanese composer named Hirose. I was lucky enough to get the flute 1 part alone, and I have to say, that flute 1 part and I were kind of made for each other (when I've been practicing). Hey, I have to say it: I know what I'm good at, and it's stuff that's romantic and floaty and possibly Japanese-sounding. It was a lot of fun to play.

I'm still looking for a good recording of it; for now, you can read a thrilling (?) description, here. Depending on how in tune we were, I might post a recording later. Check back at http://ccfcinfo.blogspot.com later. I'm sure I will mention it if/when that happens.

We also played Schubert (fun!), something called Mock Morris (with two piccolos! Me and Paula kicked butt on that one!), and a totally dorky arrangement of "Baby Elephant Walk." Guess which one my dad loved the best? Still, I love that he's been coming to these concerts lately; my sister and mom babysat the baby for me, and he chose to come to the concert instead of staying home to play with him. And the fun part of Baby Elephant was my friend Carol played the drums (abandoning her flute temporarily). Inside every flutist is a drummer, I guess!

After the concert I got to visit with some old friends, and since Patrick and his band were at a gig in Bakersfield and wouldn't be home until late, JP and I stayed overnight in Culver City. That was pretty cool, too. I miss you, Culver City!

Oh, and at some point on Thursday night, I dropped my iPhone on the hard cement floor in the girls' room at Farragut, but we won't be talking about that right now.

Saturday, we went to a graduation party for my niece, who kicked butt at her K-8 Catholic school and has been promoted to one of the local Catholic High Schools. Man, I can't believe she's growing up. Her mom was pregnant with her at my bridal shower!

Dude, I've been married for a long time!

Sunday I spent with my friends at a recital. I played a trio with Megan and Patrick, two recent high school graduates, students of my (former) flute teacher. They did a great job, as did all the other performers. I had the easiest stuff to play, and I have to say, I was pretty awestruck by all the performances. Megan played a gorgeous solo that I can't remember the name of (but I loved the piece), and she played a duet with my friend Marilyn that knocked me out.

Everybody sounded so grown up and so good that I was totally inspired. I think I need some more flute playing in my life. I like that I can recognize that. I have no idea how I'm going to make more time for it, but I will try.

On Monday we went to the beach with our friends Sean and Teresa, and their little daughter, who will soon be 1. It was JP's first trip to the beach, but after discovering that that beach is one of the most polluted beaches in all of Southern California, we all decided to stay on the sand. And thus, eye and ear infections were avoided by all. Still, we had a great time. Patrick and Sean got sunburned (kind of everywhere), I got a weird patch of redness on my left thigh only, and the kids, who were better protected, had no redness whatsoever. It was a beautiful day.

Yesterday I relaxed, slept in (8:30! Just think: two years ago, if I had to get up at 8:30 I would've been all, WTF!? This is not sleeping in!), rode my bike around town, and generally enjoyed myself immensely. Today has pretty much been a repeat of same. I wanted to ride my bike, and I'm so glad I have. I didn't go on any long rides (I rode about 8 miles total each day, which is nothing), but I did have fun running my errands on the bike instead of using the car.

My car sits, unused and dirty, in the exact same place I parked it Sunday. Or maybe it was Saturday. I can't remember. I like that so much.

Last night we visited with my brother-in-law and his wife and kids. It was my nephew's birthday, so we had cupcakes and ice cream. JP played with my niece pretty hard, and fell asleep on the way home, even through a trip to WalMart for kitty food (he and I waited in the car). Then, some kind of miracle happened, because in spite of a 3 hour nap at daycare, he then proceeded to sleep in his crib without waking up until 2 a.m.

That's kind of amazing. And, when he woke up at 2, all that I needed to do was nurse him a little bit, and he went right back to sleep, in his crib, until 6 a.m.

Fingers crossed that it wasn't a fluke!

Tomorrow night Patrick has another gig (not so far away this time, though), and we're starting summer flute choir... so I am considering another Culver City sleepover at my mom and dad's with the baby. He had a good time, and it worked out so nicely last time (the only bad thing: the bed in the spare room at my mom and dad's house has a mattress harder than the back seat of some cars I've been in. No, not lately. Do with that information what you will).

Anyway, I've done a lot of exactly what I wanted to do: ride my bike, read, talk to my friends, play my flute, and eat good food. I cleaned the kitchen this morning, and now it's time for me to straighten up the living room and vaccuum. I'm in the middle of laundry. One thing I haven't done, and I'm kind of proud of myself, is watch a bunch of TV.

I may or may not check in again before I go back to work, so adios for now!

Dream

You guys should all know by now about my involvement with City Garage Theatre. I'm not a performer there (well, sort of not... I was in two plays but that was a long time ago and I'm certainly not an actor), but I worked in the light and sound booth (and will again). It's funny, I had lunch with the director about a month ago, and we were talking to this woman she knows who owns a shop on Main Street in Santa Monica. FM introduced me to the woman as their "light and sound booth operator." The woman happens to have a daughter who does that for a living, and she asked me some technical questions that I don't even remember now but at the time I was all flustered.

I had to answer, "Frederique and Charles have cleverly worked it out so that my training makes me uniquely qualified to only work with them. I wouldn't know the first thing about any other light/sound booth." It was kind of funny because I answered her very properly (we'd all been sort of fooling around and talking casually, playing with the baby, laughing at the weird pig masks she had behind the counter. She was a nice lady). Everyone laughed.

Isn't that weird? Maybe I would know the first thing, but there I go again, not feeling very capable, kind of putting myself down. And, it can't be very hard and probably would be really interesting to learn how to really work a light/sound booth. I mean, as opposed to just hitting "go" and "play." Unless that really is all that's involved, in which case, I am a pro, but I kind of doubt it. I might ask Charles to teach me more next time, if there's time (there usually isn't time).

So, it's been awhile since that happened; I've been thinking about it off and on ever since.

But, that's not what this post is about.

Last night I had a dream that instead of building a super cushy new booth (ha ha) for me in the new space, Charles built me an... orchestra pit. And Frederique put me in charge of hiring an orchestra for the show they were doing (I don't know what the play was). It would be totally cool to have an orchestra and a pit in the new space, but a little... unrealistic.

I don't know who the other musicians were (random dream musicians, apparently) but I hired my friend, bassist Jeff Schwartz. The conductor was my flute teacher/flute choir leader Patty Sikorski. And me. I hired me, because I saw me in the pit with my flute.

I've been in pits with my flute as a semi-professional musician, and it's a lot of fun. I'm mostly fine with the fact that I never earned a college degree in music or worked more as a musician, but sometimes... once in a while... I wonder about it. I mean, then I remember that I'm pretty lazy, a terrible hustler, and not that interested in teaching, so I think ultimately not being a professional musician was a good choice, leaving me to love playing for the sheer joy of playing... right (even to me that sounds a little bullshit-ty)? Oh, well. Too late now, I guess. I should just think about my great pay, 4 day work week, retirement and benefits instead.

Anyway, back to my dream: there was a rehearsal in the pit, and then me and Jeff went for yogurt at some yogurt shop next to the theater afterwards. Is there at yogurt shop at Bergamot Station? There was in my dream. I've never eaten yogurt with Jeff Schwartz. I've never, I don't think, eaten anything with Jeff Schwartz. So I guess that's what dreams are, right?

Maybe next time I can dream about flying or Stewart Copeland, or flying with Stewart Copeland or something. No offense, Jeff, I'm sure getting yogurt with you would be awesome, but maybe I need to dream a little bigger. I mean, if we really wanted to, that's an event that could actually happen, right? No big deal.

So. Note to self: dream bigger.

100 Questions. Because you are a glutton for punishment, and because I am not prepared to write anything else today.

Taken from here. Not a blog I read on a regular basis, but she seems like fun, no?

Are you young at heart, or an old soul?
I am definitely young at heart. Foolishly young at heart. Do with that information what you will.

What makes someone a best friend?
They stick around.

What Christmas (or Hanukkah) present do you remember the most?
My blue and white bike. I think I was 8 or 9. It had a white banana seat with blue flowers on it, a white basket, tassles on the handlebars, and was just all kinds of awesome.

Tell me about a movie/song/tv show/play/book that has changed your life.
The World According to Garp, by John Irving. I read it way too young - I was maybe 12 or 13? Awesome book. Thank you John Irving! Now, I'm not enjoying his most recent book all that much, but I'm thinking one of us needs to try harder.

Name one physical feature that you like about yourself, and one you dislike.
My stomach. Obviously this is one that I dislike. Have you seen my stomach lately? No, and you won't see it, either. On top of having a baby, I just never had a great tummy; baby didn't help anything.

I like my mouth. And my beauty mark.

Would you like to reconnect with any friends you’ve lost contact with?
Some of them. Thanks to Facebook, I have a relationship with some people I'd like to know again, in a closer way, but time and distance keep that from happening. And there are some people who I've reconnected with in just the absolute perfect way. There are others who I think are better as fond (or not-so-fond) memories.

Name a movie that you knew would be terrible just from reading the title.
"What to Expect When You're Expecting;" any Adam Sandler or Will Ferrell movie; any movie with the word "Medea" in the title.

What holiday do you most look forward to?
Thanksgiving. Food paradise.

How is the relationship between you and your parents.
Fine. They are great grandparents.

You’ve got the TV on, but you’re not really watching.
This so rarely happens anymore. I love TV! If it's on, it means the baby is asleep and I'm into it!

What channel is the TV on?
Usually a cooking show, or Patrick is watching Pawn Stars. Occasionally we watch music concerts. And then we watch a lot of Sprouts. I suspect that Patrick has a crush on one of the cute young women who host those shows. Those chicks are hot; I suspect that's why they hire them. I'm sure the kids don't really notice but the daddies sure do!

Name a song that never fails to make you happy.
Just one? Silly you.

Mr. Blue Sky, by Electric Light Orchestra
My Sweet Lord, by George Harrison
New Toy, by Lene Lovich
Love is the Drug, by Roxy Music
Another Time, by Adrian Belew
Big Eyed Beans from Venus, by Captain Beefheart
Science Fiction, by Divinyls
Away, by Meat Puppets
Naive Melody by Talking Heads
Breathless, by X
Into Your Arms, by the Lemonheads

Almost any fIREHOSE song
Lots and lots of Radiohead songs

You know at least one person named Michael. Tell me about him.
He's a comedian, and a newly published author. We met at Rizzoli Bookstore in Santa Monica; he was a clerk, I was one of the managers. He's way smart, super funny, and he thinks I'm funny too. Thinks I can write! What can I say? Someone who is a comedian and who laughs at my lame jokes is a prince.

Have you ever read the “missed connections” on Craigslist? Have you ever posted one, or wanted to?
I read it once, a long time ago. It actually made me a little sad.

If you could pick anywhere to live the rest of your life, where would it be?
I like where I am, but it is a dream of mine to move back to Culver City. On the other hand, on a trip to Portland with Patrick, we kind of fell in love with one of the residential neighborhoods we explored (I can't remember what the area was called but it was near the Kennedy School). There might be better neighborhoods in Portland, but that one grabbed our imagination. I don't know if moving that far away would ever happen, though, or if I would really want to.

Can money buy happiness?
Probably not, but wouldn't it be fun to try to find out?
(everyone answers this one this way!)

Do you drink? Smoke? Do drugs? Why, or why not?
I drink a beer or two now and then. I like beer.
I quit smoking about 8 years ago. It was gross, and it will kill you. And as a flutist, what a dumb thing to do. Once in a great while I miss it. I liked having something to do with my hands, and I liked the way the paper smelled.
The only drugs I do are allergy medicine, Advil, and caffeine. I'm a new coffee drinker, and I'm in love with it. Milk and honey: perfection. I also love my Diet Cokes.

Is there anyone close to you that you know you can’t trust? You don’t have to give names.
Not anymore.

Where was your favorite place to go when you were a little kid?
My uncle Alfredo's house. He lived in a huge house that had all these interesting places to hide and play. Also, he was very creative and had lots of cool stuff (like found art that he would put together, or his girlfriend Helen's artwork). And my cousins were super cool and fun to visit, too. His girlfriend Helen's house in Santa Monica was awesome too: she was an artist, and her home was a converted church. Really neat, loving, exciting people.

Have you ever spent a night in the hospital?
When I had my baby, we spent two nights in the hospital. I didn't want to go home! The nurses were super sweet, and I loved being pampered. Then a couple of months later, I had to have surgery on my breast when I got a pretty bad infection/mastitis. I didn't technically spend the night there but I was there for what felt like a very long time.

Do you enjoy being with only one or two friends, or with a large group of people?
I am much better with one or two friends. I get a little overwhelmed in large groups of people.

Do you like the type of music your parents listen to? Do your parents like the type of music you listen to?
Not really! My mom listens mainly to Christian music, and Country. My dad likes Country too, but he also likes his "oldies", which I do enjoy. My mom always worried that the music I listened to would invite "satan" into my brain. Yes. That is a true statement.

Have you ever been bullied? Have you ever bullied anyone else?
Yeah, I've been bullied, but it's not worth talking about. I don't know if I was really a "bully." I was probably not very nice to some kids at certain points in my life.
If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
I don't think I could do that or would want to.

If your partner wanted to wait until marriage before having sex, would you stay in that relationship?
I'm going to not answer this one. I guess that sounds like my answer would be "no" but who knows? It's not an issue now.

Do you believe in a god?
I don't know. I think so. Here's what I do know, and I'm going to quote Bono: "The god I believe in isn't short of cash, mister." I don't believe in a god that requires funding, or would exclude anyone. I don't believe in the rules that people always get all caught up in. I'm still kind of working this one out. I don't believe that what I believe or what you believe is necessarily what everyone else should believe.

Of all the social networks in the world, why use twitter.
It's fun, once in awhile.

What’s your favorite hashtag to track?
Stewart Copeland, of course. Actually, I don't really track any hashtags. I don't have that kind of time.

Would you call yourself/your family “middle class?”
Now, sure. When I was growing up, no.

Name a TV series you didn’t enjoy until after it ended.
The West Wing. Beverly Hills, 90210.

Have you ever bought a product from an infomercial?
Not ordered from the TV, but I have bought stuff at the "as seen on TV" store. I like that citrus stuff for the laundry. Mostly, though, that stuff is crap.

If you could give up your car and never have to drive again, would you?
YES. If only the places I needed to go were bike-able, or if public transportation was easier to use!

If you go back to one point in time to give advice to yourself, when would you go and what would you say?
Probably my early 20s. Here's what I would say: There are things you want to do but you are afraid: go for it anyway. You have nothing to lose. Literally. You are braver and stronger and more capable than you think.

What’s your “quirkiest” habit?
I write letters in a public place (on a blog) to Stewart Copeland, and I address him as if he and I were actually friends. I like to pretend that I am friends with him! He has never responded. Poor me! I'll keep doing it anyway. Maybe one day he will!

What is “normal?” Are you normal?
I don't know what normal is. Yes. No.

Someone close to you is dying. You have the choice to let this person live for 10 more years, but if you do, you cause the death of 10 strangers. You don’t have to see them die. Do you take the offer?
I don't want to think about this. Sorry.

What is one thing you could never forgive?
I don't know. I tend to forgive everything. If I love you, I love you. And I have a terrible memory.
Forget I said that.

Would you rather be in a relationship after the honeymoon period ends, or be single?
Relationship. There are always things to work on.

Is it possible for guys and girls to be just friends?
Absolutely.

Where do you and your friends go to hang out?
We don't really hang out anymore. Life is not "Friends," or "Cheers."

Write the first sentence of your obituary.
Irene Palma, the youngest, prettiest, third wife of Stewart Copeland, was found dead today. She had a big smile on her face.

This is a joke. Because Fiona Copeland is gorgeous and could probably kick my ass? Yes.

What is the best TV theme song ever?
Ummmm... Alice? What was the name of the show that Valerie Bertinelli was on? I liked that one.

When you were young, what would you dream you would be when you grew up?
A mail carrier. True story.

When you’re alone in your own home, do you walk around naked?
Sure. Alone? I do it when Patrick is around too. What do I care? Nobody can see, and anyway, who else wants to look at me? My house has lots of windows but they mostly face the backyard. It's easy enough to do and we have plenty of privacy. I guess when JP gets older I'll have to cool it, though.

What gets you out of bed in the morning?
The alarm. The baby. The knowledge that I have to go out and earn a living.

Do you want to have more friends than you have right now?
I'd like more time to spend with the friends I have.

What part of the past year sticks out in your mind?
March 31, 2012. Private memory.

You win a scratch-off lottery game that gives you $2000 a week (after taxes) for the rest of your life. Do you keep your job?
Hell no. But wait, can I get another job, later? I would probably need to work again at some point, right? Part-time mail carrier sounds like the perfect job.

Could you be in a long-distance relationship? If you’re in one, what makes yours work?
I don't think so, but it's not really an issue, nor is it likely to ever be an issue.

What’s the best route to your heart?
A sense of humor. A willingness to share everything. Love.

Have you ever met someone through the internet, then met them in real life?
Nope.

What is your favorite sport?
I don't really have a favorite sport. I'm not all that interested in sports. I like to ride bikes but I'm not very knowledgeable about it or interested in it as "sport."

What has been troubling you lately?
Distance. Time travel. My right hip.

Did you enjoy your high school prom? If you haven’t gotten there yet, do you look forward to it? If you didn’t go, why not?
Not really. My prom was populated by the popular people, of which I was not one. Being around those people made me very uncomfortable. It would've been better if I'd felt my own value a little more as a teenager. It was fun to get all dressed up and to go with Adam, because being with Adam was almost always fun, but I was pretty miserable when forced to look beyond his face. We should've gone out somewhere else, instead.

What do you use more often: your intuition or logical reasoning?
Probably intuition. I'm not super logical. I'm totally ruled by my heart, actually. Well, maybe not totally, but enough.

Do you know what makes you happy?
Yes. No, I'm not going to tell you. Well, I will tell you one thing: my adorable, sweet, beautiful boy makes me very happy. There are other things but he's the best.

Tell me about the last book you read.
I finally finished "The Brief Wonderous Life of Oscar Wao," by Junot Diaz. I liked it a lot but it was very sad.

What is the nicest compliment you’ve ever been given?
Recently, a high school kid told me the other day that he really loved my flute playing. I liked what I had played, and I had tried to make it beautiful, so I was glad that he was moved to tell me that. Someone else once told me that they thought that I "don't take any shit." I liked that though I'm not sure it's true. Another person once told me that I had beautiful eyes, and while I also find that one hard to believe (because my eyes are crossed and weird), it was said in a totally believable way, in a totally romantic situation. I want to believe!
Who was your first crush?
I have had lots of crushes! I think the first one was Jeremy. Kindergarten.

Do you believe that there is life on other planets?
I don't know. It's fun to think about but I have no idea. I guess that's a no. Or maybe it's a yes.

Predict what your life will look like a year from now.
JP will hopefully be potty trained. Other than that, I have no idea. Chances are it will look a lot like it does right now. That's mostly OK.

Often, people will ask how your last relationship ended. I want to know how it began.
We met when I was a 16 or 17 year old page at the library. He was probably 21 or 22, way too old for me, a library assistant. He had a crush on me, which was intriguing, because that rarely happened, but he was toooooooo old, and I had a boyfriend. We were friends for a long time, and he was patient.

Where is your favorite place to go out and eat?
Fatburger. La Casita Mexicana. Enrique's.

What is something you want to change about your current situation?
I'd like to get more than 3, 4 hours of sleep at a time. I'd like more opportunites to play my flute, ride my bike, read, cook.

Early bird or night owl?
Unfortunately right now I am both. The kid keeps us up, and then wakes up bright and early, Mr. Happy.

Are there any childhood possessions you still hold on to?
I have my first Yamaha flute, which was actually my sister's. Hopefully one day JP would like to play it but it will require a bit of an overhaul before that's possible. I'm pretty good at giving up crap, though, so I don't have a lot of stuff.
Give me an unpopular opinion you have.
A lot of "alpha mom"-types are advising me that it's time to let JP "cry it out" so that he will sleep on his own. I totally do not believe in this. Neither does Patrick. Not going to happen.

What was the last song that was stuck in your head?
New Toy, by Lene Lovich! Oh ay oh! It's still in there!!!

Where do you live? Be as general or specific as you want.
In the smallest house on the nicest street we could afford. It's green, with a pretty Chinese magnolia tree in front.

Do you believe in giving kids medals and trophies for participation?
I don't know. I'll let you know as JP gets older and this starts happening. I think we got certificates and stuff for getting involved, but depending on the age of the kid, it seems like a medal or a trophy just for showing up is sending the wrong message.

What was the longest car ride you’ve ever taken?
Drew and I drove to Oregon once, in the snow. It was fun. A long, long time ago.

Have you ever taken part in a protest?
No.

Would you ever use an online dating service?
No.

What is your ethnic heritage?
Mexican-American. More American!

Describe a person that inspires you.
Excited by life. Open. Relaxed.

If you earn minimum wage doing what you love, would you?
If I only had myself to worry about, I might consider it. But as this is not the case, nor can it ever be again, no.

Do you believe in luck?
Sure.

Describe the last time you were very angry at someone.
I don't know if I can describe it. It's personal. It got worked out. I think I wasn't so much angry, as disappointed and sad.

Do you want to live until you’re 100?
I don't really want to consider that one day I will die. But...

Do people change? If so, how do you keep a relationship together when both of you start to change?
Yes, people change. You have to want it, and work on it.

Have you ever risked a friendship by telling someone you liked them?
Yes. Multiple times. It usually worked out one way or another.

Would you rather be alone doing something you enjoy, or doing something you don’t like with your best friends?
What a sad question. Right this second I'd rather be with my friends. I guess it depends on what the thing is.

Do you practice what you preach?
I try really hard. I suspect that as JP gets older this will be more important.

If you take precautions to stay safe, do you ultimately act more recklessly?
I can be reckless. Dude, reckless is fun. On the other hand, I absolutely refuse to jaywalk. Jaywalking is stupid.

What do you value more in a significant other: Attractiveness or intelligence?
If I love you, I love you. I think you're attractive based on that.

Are you hard-headed?
I don't think so. Maybe you should ask Patrick.

Have you ever laughed uncontrollably when it was socially inappropriate?
Yes. Uncontrollable laughing is so much fun. Except when it ends in pee.

When have you felt most alive?
I don't know... Maybe during the last solo I performed, which was in December 2010. I was 8-1/2 months pregnant. It wasn't the greatest performance (I made a big mistake; my breathing was wacky; and I was not as in tune as I thought it was); but, all that said: it was the most exciting, most emotional performance I've ever given. I may have been hormonal, but I really felt like I was giving it everything I could give. I can't listen to that solo without tearing up. I felt like I was really doing my best.

Would you prefer to live? A city? The suburbs? The countryside? The mountains?
I would love to find out if I prefer the city to the suburbs. I think I would but I don't know, as I've never lived in a city.

Do you often skip breakfast?
Breakfast lately has been a big cup of coffee and a cookie. Does that count as not skipping breakfast?

How do you know what true love is?
You know.

Would you want to know the exact date and time you were going to die?
It's enough to know that that day is going to come eventually. I'd rather not think about it.

Where is “home” for you?
My little green house.

What song best describes your life right now?
Another Time, by Adrian Belew. Just a gorgeous song.

Do you want to be perfect?
I realize that it's impossible. Doesn't stop me from thinking about it.

What have you never tried, but would really like to someday? What’s holding you back?
Oh, lots and lots of things. What holds me back is easy: fear.

How do you express your creativity?
Musically, writing. I'm not as good at those things as I wish I was, but I could never give either one of them up.

Describe your neighborhood.
Quiet. Safe.

Name something you only liked because it was popular.
This is a funny question. Um... fluorescent colored clothes. When was that? 6th grade?

Give me the story of your life in six words.
Who would have ever thought I could be a mom? Wait, is that ten words? Are you still there?

Meme - Rule of 7

I'm not feeling particularly creative today (my eyes are so red from allergies, I'm sure my co-workers think I've been stoned since Monday. Tom Petty on the iPod isn't helping. What this has to do with feeling creative, I do not know) but I wanted to blog today, so I ripped this off from here. Enjoy.

Seven things that scare me:

1. Spiders, slugs, snails, potato bugs
2. Alien invasion (spiders, slugs, snails, potato bugs...)
3. The ocean (namely, being blind like I am, and hit by a wave, dragged out to sea and drowning; also, creatures in the ocean that look like spiders, slugs, snails, potato bugs)
4. Some of the crazy music that Patrick makes and/or listens to; the artwork that accompanies some of the crazy music that Patrick makes and/or listens to
5. Falling from a great height
6. Speaking in front of large groups of people, particularly at work
7. The day that my laptop dies (it could be soon) and I lose my iTunes library (everything else is backed up on Dropbox). I have an external drive that I've backed up to but not recently. Yes, I need to do it. No, I don't have time right now.

Seven things I like:

1. Adrian Belew, the Talking Heads, Radiohead, X... music in general, these guys in particular right now, very much
2. The song "Bears" by Lyle Lovett (surprise! Betcha didn't see that one coming!)
3. Hugs and kisses, especially from my beautiful boy!
4. Long bike rides
5. Fitting into smaller jeans and pants for the first time in probably 10 years
6. Buying shoes (um... I LOVE buying shoes!)
7. Massages, facials, pedicures, lip gloss, eyebrow waxing: all these so-called "girlie" things that I never thought I would enjoy, but I do

Seven random facts about me:

1. I love the show "The Big Bang Theory" - I crack up, while Patrick sits there, totally unimpressed, wondering when "Pawn Stars" is on again
2. I have a little patch of freckles on my left shoulder, and a few on my face (with my complexion, that's a little unexpected). This was recently pointed out by my esthetician, who quickly said that they were "cute," and didn't look overtly "age-related." Um, thanks?
3. I love the swings at the park
4. I like to redesign parking lots in my head
5. I don't like strangers talking about Jesus to me
6. I'm better at relaxing than I thought I was
7. I've worked in the light/sound booth at City Garage more times than anyone, ever. Of this I am proud. Can you tell?

Seven things I want to do before I die:

2. Learn how to drive a motorcycle (is "drive" the right word? Obviously I have some lingo to learn too)
3. Take a bike tour of Europe
4. Sleep more than 2 hours in a row
5. Eat a meal, have a conversation with Stewart Copeland
6. Write a song
7. Remodel my house

Seven things I can do well:

1. Organize my desk
2. Make Ina Garten's Cranberry Conserve
3. Drive
4. Play the flute
5. Worry
6. Soothe my boy
7. Get lost in a book and/or music, sometimes at the same time

Seven things I can't do but wish I could:

2. Time travel
3. Write a story that other people would want to read (blogging doesn't count)
4. See without glasses
5. Apply makeup
6. Buy, wear jewelry
7. Sing

Seven phrases I'm known to use:

1. "Dear Stewart,"
2. (not a euphemism)
3. Then again...
4. On the other hand,
5. That's/you're awesome/rad/delicious
6. Fucking shit!
7. Holy cow!

Cool vimeo about City Garage

Watch first, then read.

Hey, guys,

Your donation will enable Charles to build me a totally rad new booth. I'm picturing a plush new stool, cup holder, crib for the baby...

Wait, what? My comfort is not the point of all this...?!

Seriously, any help at all would be greatly appreciated. City Garage does awesome work and deserves to thrive in 2012 and beyond. You should know that almost everyone involved with City Garage, myself included, donates their time. We don't get paid to do this: it's an act of love and we take pride in the work we do. That work has been honored and rewarded time and time again: clearly we're doing something right.

Thanks!

- Irene
 
http://www.citygarage.org/

What I had for lunch: Anoushka Shankar

On my way back from picking up lunch today (Subway, as usual, but with a twist: got the oven roasted chicken breast on flatbread with bacon and avocado; needless to say it was delicious. Thank you, bacon, I'm so glad you and I are friends again), I caught a story on KPCC's show "The World" about Anoushka Shankar and her new album, "Traveller." Yes, those double L's bug me but I'll get over it. I ended up sitting in the car listening to it after I got back to my office.

For those of you who don't know who she is, Anoushka Shankar is the daughter of Ravi Shankar, and a musician herself. I like Indian music but I know very little about it; I only know who she is because of my fondness for "Concert for George" (the Indian music portion makes me cry every time I watch it, also her duet with Jeff Lynne on "The Inner Light" is gorgeous). I've heard a little more of her dad's recordings (and once we saw him at Disney Hall, which would've been awesome, except I bought us seats in the "Orchestra View" section, which seemed like a great idea, right? Except those seats were murder on our backs and behinds.) She's beautiful and talented, and probably wouldn't be down with what I ate for lunch, and that's about all I can tell you.

Anyway, she has a new album coming out, and it marries traditional Indian music with modern flamenco music. In typical NPR fashion, the story caught me from the second it started (they played about 2 seconds worth of the music before the guy started talking - I was sort of daydreaming while listening to "The World," which I've stopped listening to on a regular basis because it seems to me, and yes, I know that I'm probably wrong, that the stories are all depressing, about rape or genocide, and I'm sorry, I like to be informed, I really do, but lunchtime is just not the moment for me, for those topics. That sentence, it lost its way... Anyway, I had it on because I have been listening too much to too many songs about love [current favorite, on repeat, "Another Time" by Adrian Belew], so I decided I'd better get some news in me. Instead I got this story, and I was glad.

The story was really interesting, mostly because they interviewed Anoushka and she talked about her music herself. She sounds incredibly knowledgeable, and I bet I'd be intimidated by her in person, but she also sounds like a natural teacher and boy does she love music. I like when you can hear that in a person's voice and by the things they say. I'm not the most intelligent talker (and possibly thinker) about music (this sentence and a few others in this post prove this) and I can't always say what I feel very well, but she can, and does.

(The World doesn't seem to have a link to this story yet on their website. I'll keep an eye out for it for you.)

My favorite part of the story was at the end, when she mentioned that both flamenco and Indian music have a strong connection to dancing. I knew that about flamenco, because I'm not (some of my writing to the contrary) an idiot, but I didn't know it about Indian music. They took the time to record dancers and included those sounds. I think that drummers in general and my husband in particular will really enjoy those parts, because the dancing sounds like a really fast double-bass drum - it has that rapid fire, machine gun quality that Patrick likes in music, and while I know that it's a dancer and not a machine gun, the juxtaposition with the totally awesome liquid-y music really got my attention.

They also played clips of her playing sitar with a pianist that is just jaw dropping gorgeous.

Anyway, go ahead and check it out when you get a chance. The album doesn't come out until the 19th (I think; I can't get the website to load all of a sudden, so I'll have to verify that for you later, too). I'm pretty sure I'll be getting it. For now I'm going to put on my earphones and listen to Concert for George.

Blindfolded, with both hands tied behind my back

Holy cow.
This was one of the most stressful four day weekend I've had, ever. Neither Patrick nor I have been sleeping. Want to know why?

Exton is teething. This time around it seems to be much harder on him then when he got his first teeth (four on the top, two on the bottom). He gets very cranky, clingy, and wants to nurse constantly. I think the teeth coming in now are the bottom ones next to the two he already has, and the molars. That seems like a lot of teeth at once for a little guy like him, no?

Two words: human pacifier.
Two more words: That sucks.

It sucks for everybody. (Pun not intended. Mention the pun and you will get kicked.)

He also had a slight fever starting Saturday, and I was keeping an eye on it and giving him Tylenol. Fevers are even more fun these days because of what happened last time. Late last night a friend on Facebook recommended switching to Motrin, so we're going to try that today.

Surprisingly, he slept pretty well last night. I, however, did not. He went to sleep around 8:30, and I, in a desperate attempt to get. out. of. the. house, went for a walk. It was a really pretty night, and I needed some razors, so I walked down to Walgreen's. I've been shaving my legs with the same crappy dull razor for about 2 weeks. It's about a 15 minute walk to Walgreen's. On the way back I walked through the park, which was a little creepy and I probably won't do it again, not at 9:30 at night anyway. Using my iPhone map, I dropped a pin and emailed it to somebody, in case I didn't make it back. When I got home, Ex had woken up and was in the living room with Patrick, watching TV. I took him back to his room, nursed him (some more), and he was almost asleep... and then he got all fussy on me. Patrick took over and had him in his crib in 10 minutes. I honestly don't know how he does that.

Then we talked for a few minutes about how fucking tired we are, brushed our teeth and got ready for bed. A wise friend to whom I was complaining about my lack of sleep reminded me (in a well-timed email) to take things one day at a time. This friend is both smarter and better looking than I am, so I tend to listen when they speak. You know, I know being attractive isn't supposed to matter, but I'm just going to spit it out: sometimes it does. Especially when it comes to childcare and parenting.

(I'm laughing right now but maybe you can't tell that I'm being silly. Still: my friend is pretty cute.)

Patrick went to snore/sleep on the couch and I got in bed, where I slept from about 10:30 until 12:30, when I woke up from the Bookstore Dream (Variation 102).

(Bookstore Dream: I'm working in a bookstore with my buddy Bo, with whom I worked in real life at Rizzoli. Each bookstore dream is a little different but that part is always the same. This one involved a creepy mansion type place, a guy having a stroke and then miraculously recovering while in the arms of my friend Bo, and me finding a huge wad of cash and checks from 2004. Drama!)

I don't know how I got dressed or showered or helped Patrick with Exton this morning. Apparently I drove here without killing anybody. Everything is making me giggle: the guitar in the second bar of "Smells Like Teen Spirit," the fact that my co-worker and I couldn't remember what day it was even though there's a big ass calendar less than 2 feet away from us, the fact that I have a meeting with my boss and her boss this afternoon at 1:30 and can't leave early. Some of these things really aren't that funny.

The good news is, I emailed my big Excel project to the person I needed to email it to (a day early). The bad news is, it's not perfect even though I might've sold it that way to my boss. Look, it's a shitty assignment. Maybe nobody will notice. Right?

Oh, and so what's up with that title up there? Those words came to me while parking my car. It's kind of how my brain feels, if it had eyes and hands. I'm moving slowly; I feel almost drunk. Have you ever used your nose to type on your iPhone? It works, you know. Try it.

and no, it has nothing to do with 50 Shades of Gray. Gross.

Parenting lesson no. 1: You can only make one change at a time

I don't profess to be an expert on anything (though I do have strong opinions. Opinions are fun, because you don't have to prove anything).

It has always been my way to express doubt about my abilities and knowledge. This may be a character flaw, but whatever. I'd almost always rather double-check the facts than definitively state something for the record (the other day I told someone that Dave Grohl wasn't playing drums on Nirvana's album "Nevermind." I remembered it wrong: Chad Channing and Dale Crover shared drum duties on the first Nirvana album, "Bleach," but that's totally Dave on "Nevermind," aside from a few cymbal crashes. My bad. However, it is my opinion that Dale Crover kicks Dave Grohl's ass). I also realize that other people almost always figure shit out before I do. Still, if life is a learning process (is it?), just like everyone else, I will grow at my own pace, and if I keep an open mind, I will reach the level of enlightenment or whatever you call it that's right for me. Something like that.

What do I know, it sounds good.

Anyway, so I am approaching parenting in this same, "I don't know what I'm doing but this seems to be working for now" style. And reading lots of books and online stuff and consulting with my friends. Really, parenting a 15 month old is pretty easy. He doesn't have any discipline problems, he's clearly going to be a musical genius, and he's lately been trying to put his socks on by himself  - both on his own feet, and mine. Come on. What's cuter than a little tiny boy trying to put his miniature socks on his mommy's big old foot? That has to be a sign of something awesome, right? Maybe he'll be a doctor! A podiatrist! Maybe he'll sell shoes! Maybe he'll design shoes!

So let me get to the point of this post, which is, I have figured out that you can only make one change at a time. You're saying "duh." I see you, I can hear you saying "duh." Fine. You're smarter than me, which we knew already.

Actually, it took me about a week to realize that I was even trying to make too many changes at once, which, you know, self-awareness is a good thing but not necessarily a strong point (fine: you should know that I also suck at math. And geography. Look, playing the flute is pretty much the only thing I'm really good at, let's just get that out there, and even then, when I don't practice I also suck at that. And lately, practicing the flute hasn't exactly been a priority). This is an incredibly sloppy sentence and/or paragraph but I'm not going to fix it. I'm just saying that I didn't even realize that I was trying to do too many changes at one time!

Three weeks ago I stopped pumping at work. Or maybe it was two weeks ago; I'm also not good at dates. Freeing up all that break time has been awesome - I've been walking a lot, and I really enjoy that (add to the list: I'm not a fast walker so I have to go with someone who is, or else my walks are incredibly leisurely). So: there has been practically no more milk during the day for the little guy. He adjusted to that pretty well, surprisingly.

Then, we started trying to get him to sleep in his crib again. He'd been doing it for a few hours for awhile but in February, he'd started having trouble with it, so we started taking him to our bed when he woke up around 2:30 a.m. I would nurse him back to sleep, and in our bed he would stay.

Then, I started trying to curb the night nursing. It was just getting to be too much for me. I am not one of those mommies who can sleep while their baby nurses. How do they do that? So, he would wake up, and I would wake Patrick up to take over, and try to go back to sleep. Patrick sleeps OK with JP on his chest but lately JP hasn't been comfortable there, either. Instead of being an easy way to soothe him back to sleep, he would stay up, apparently wide-eyed. Patrick would bring him back to me, and he would fall back asleep nursing.

The night nursing has been kicking my butt. I haven't been sleeping very well. Not sleeping very well makes me crazy - I get all emotional, grumpy, irrational. Not sleeping well for like 15 months in a row amplifies all of that. It's bad, man. My decision making skills have suffered. My personal interactions with people have suffered. I'm all my usual doubt and insecurities, times 10. Maybe times a hundred: you tell me. I think this post is an excellent illustration. Or I would be up and happy, and then down and slightly insane. Mood swings are no fun for anybody.

And then I even started wondering if all I knew how to do as a parent was breastfeed. Crying baby? Feed him. Sleepy baby? Feed him. Cranky baby? Feed him. I saw Patrick picking up the slack and (it felt like) being a better parent, and that made me... sad. I know that I can do (and I do do!) more than that, but on Tuesday night, I kind of lost it. I felt like my role as a mother is changing, and I'm not as prepared for it, for any of this, as I thought I was. And I'm so much older than a lot of my friends were when they had to do all this for the first time. Now there they are, with their 7 year olds, their 13 year olds, and they know everything. And I'm still figuring out the toddler stuff! Or, I should say, not figuring it out. I felt really lame.

I felt like the nursing stuff, which may or may not be coming to an end, which has defined my life for all this time, that connection, that job that I had to do whether I felt like it or not, was a bigger deal, emotionally, to me than I thought. I thought I was ready to chuck it, to say to my sweet little boy, "Okay, buddy, it's cow's milk for you! You can handle it!" But I'm not ready. I mean, on the one hand, I really want to be done with it. But what does that say about me? On the other hand... it's what we do! It's our little thing. What will replace it? I have to figure that out. And all of this, all of that, felt very overwhelming to me on Tuesday night.

Anyway, we will figure it out. I mean, he won't be a baby/toddler forever. And eventually I will figure it out. Hopefully before he starts wanting the keys to the car.

Cymbal, meet hanger.
Hanger, it was nice knowing you.

Draw Something - EDITED FOR STUPIDITY

I've been playing "Draw Something" with my friends for a couple of weeks now, and it's made me question what I thought was a long-held truth about myself:

I am not very creative. Or artistic.

My friends take the challenges in Draw Something and create these masterful drawings that use light and shadow and texture and using their little index fingers, they make things that look like what they're supposed to look like. My finger must be defective, because I just am not that good.

No matter what the thing is that I'm supposed to draw is, I almost always draw it in relation to a person. Locket? I draw a woman wearing a locket. Claw? I draw someone with a "normal" hand, then draw someone with a "creepy" hand. (My friend Will, who is an actual artist, took the time, while drawing his own word, to demonstrate what a "claw" should look like. "Claw" is now a code word for us. I think it means "fuck!" My best drawing, which was supposed to be of the word "badge," was a portrait of my friend Will dressed in his Crown Books apron [he was a clerk in Malibu with me when I worked there as an Assistant Manager], wearing a badge that said "Will." He didn't guess the word, even with three of his friends helping him. Perhaps that trip down memory lane could've been illustrated better. Note what I said above about my drawing skills.)

A couple of days ago I chose to draw the concept of "nirvana."

Hmmm. How should I do it, I thought?

This is how I did it:

Not an albino.

I have to say, I was pretty proud of myself. Luckily my friend Jeanne got it... but I don't think my drawing helped her, because she was all "what was that?" Still. I loved my creation! And I decided to save it to my iPhone, and share it with you, now, here.

And for the record, no, I didn't look it up first. This is from memory, yo.

For those of you unfamiliar with this album (yeah, right), here's the real thing.

This kid's name is Spencer Elden.
Also not an albino.

My adventure with LensCrafters, plus Bonus

I started writing this story out with paragraphs and parenthetical comments, and even I got bored. So here are the (mostly) salient facts:

1. I got my glasses adjusted on Saturday at LensCrafters at the Fox Hills Mall (AKA "Westfield Shopping Center Culver City." Yeah: no). Apparently, during the adjustment, one of my lenses got damaged. Gotye and Def Leppard were the surprising soundtrack to this part of my adventure.
2. Sunday, I went back and was all, "hello, my lens is damaged." They were understanding but told me I would have to go to the LensCrafters where I purchased my glasses.
3. Sunday and Monday, I worried about replacing my lens. My prescription is strong: I am blind. My lenses are expensive. I just bought these glasses in January, and they are just barely out of warranty.
4. After work on Monday, I went home to nurse my boy, who promptly fell asleep. Then I went to the Lakewood Mall (somebody told me this is the oldest mall in California, but I think that somebody was mistaken) LensCrafters, which was really really busy. Generally this kind of craziness in a store makes me totally batty, but they handled it well: they were polite and good about acknowledging my presence, so I waited patiently. I know. It's hard to believe.
5. Finally the store manager, a pretty Asian woman (I have to get her name! She is only identified by a number on my receipt), came over to see me, and she examined my glasses. It didn't take her long to diagnose "crazing," probably caused by the heat of the adjustment. She accepted responsibility, and wrote up an order for new lenses, and would charge me... nothing. I practically jumped up and down (well: on the inside).
6. Afterwards, in celebration, I went to the Gap, where I purchased two pairs of size 8 pants. They were also playing Gotye. What are the chances? I haven't been a size 8 in about... forever. I know there are people out there reading this to whom a size 8 is no big stinking deal, but to my fat ass, size 8 is pretty damn awesome. Also, the salesguy helping me was really nice. I didn't get his name, either, but he was very helpful. Also, nobody else was in the store. He tried to convince me that I'm not too fat/old for the Always Skinny (or whatever they're called) style of jeans, but I just laughed and stuck with my straight pair. Size 8, man! Sweet.

Pump free, and other business

I'm not sure how much I've said here up until now... I haven't been keeping a good blog, I guess, because I think of a lot of things to write about but then I just don't, or I don't remember. Oops! There are a few things to catch you up on!

Over the last couple of weeks, I've been ramping down (is that a phrase? I know you can ramp something up...) my pumping sessions at work. I went from 3 a day (for over a year), to 2, to 1... and this week? I'm at none. I was all excited when I walked out of the house this morning without my pump (and on Friday, when I washed all the pump parts and got them ready to be finally put away, probably forever), but then I walked past the lactation room on my way to the restroom, and I totally started to cry.

What the hell was that all about? I know that the timing is right, I know that my milk will not necessarily just "dry up," I know that I can continue to breastfeed at night and on the weekends and that lots of people do that just fine and that I can probably still meet my self-imposed 2 year goal, I know that I am a good mother, and that lots of people don't make it this long (not to make it sound like I think that people who don't breastfeed or pump at work are not good mothers! Not at all!)... but wow, it hit me surprisingly hard. I can tell this is going to be a long day. I didn't want to cry every time I passed by the restroom. Because that would be weird.

And then... I didn't write about this when it happened because I was freaked out about it for a long time. Only a couple of people know about it, actually. This is a long story, so I suggest you get comfortable.

On Thursday, May 3rd, I got home from flute choir a little later than usual. Patrick was in Jules' room, sitting in the chair, holding him. We just started this month getting him to sleep all night (or as much as possible) in his crib, but Patrick likes to hold him and rock him to sleep when I'm not home. I rushed in to take over: this quarter for flute choir, I haven't been able to leave work early so on Thursdays, I'm back to going to Culver City straight from work. It's a long day, and I miss my boy. When I picked him up, I could feel that he was really hot, so I removed the blanket Patrick had him snuggled up in, and sat down to feed him.

He was still pretty hot, so I took his temperature: 101.5. I took off his clothes and fed him in his diaper only. We gave him a little Tylenol, but it was late, I was tired, and I couldn't remember if I should give him one dropper-ful, or if he had graduated to 2, so I just gave him 1. Then he fell back asleep and we took him to bed with us. I checked his temperature every hour or so and it went down a little. It was 100.5, 100.3 at various times during the night, and I thought, well, that's high, but not super high... I didn't sleep that much.

At 2 he woke up, and I fed him again. His temp was still around 100. Patrick took him to the other room to rock him to sleep, and so I could get some sleep, too.

At 4, Patrick came back into the bedroom, and woke me up. He said that Jules was "staring" and he couldn't snap him out of it. I woke up right away, and said, "What do you mean, staring?" He was holding him and I could see that he was just sort of blankly staring, eyes wide, body kind of limp. He was still hot, at about 100.5. Patrick said he'd been like that for about 5 minutes. He sounded scared. Jules was also kind of breathing funny - I don't really know how to describe it. It was like a tiny hiccup.

I didn't know what to do, so I got a damp washcloth and wiped his face. I took off his little t-shirt. I held him myself. About 30 seconds or maybe a minute passed of us watching him, and then I said, "I think this is a seizure. I'm calling 911."

We didn't discuss it: I made the decision.

The 911 operator was awesome. She told me lay him down, and stop holding him. I put him on the couch, and in a few minutes, I felt him relax a little, and then he woke up, rolled over onto his tummy with his butt in the air, and he fell asleep. The paramedics got to our house in about 6 minutes. By now Jules was sleeping normally, and seemed comfy as can be on the couch. They checked him out and said that everything seemed to be fine. They asked if we wanted to go to the hospital, and I said no. He had an appointment with his pediatrician at 9:15 for his 15 month checkup - by this point, that was only 5 hours away. We gave him some more Tylenol and took him back to bed with us. Patrick seemed to fall asleep, but I didn't, not for a while.

At 6:30, Jules woke me up as usual, by climbing all over me. He was perfectly normal, his usual happy self in the morning, laughing and playing. Patrick was getting ready for work. We were both exhausted. I fed him, and we got up to eat some breakfast and get ready for the doctor. He was a little whinier than usual but he didn't have much of a fever (about 99), and I let him pretty much do whatever he wanted: play, eat, whatever. By 8:30 we left for Kaiser.

Once there, I told the nurse all about our night; I thought that might get the doctor in to see us quicker, but it didn't, really. Once she finally came to see us and I told her my story, she was great. I didn't cry when it was happening but after she told me that these types of seizures are mostly harmless and very common, I kind of lost it. She was so nice, and told me that though in the future, we will have to be very careful when he gets a fever, most likely he will suffer no consequences. We did all the right things, and obviously he was fine now. She said that he was developing great, and was clearly a healthy, happy boy. And I cried through all of this. She instructed me to continue giving him Tylenol every 4 hours for 2 days (2 droppers!), and to keep an eye on his temperature. If he still had a fever on Monday, I was to call right away. She said she saw no signs of any infection or other problems. I wondered if maybe he was teething, but she wasn't sure.

I didn't want my parents to worry, and I had a date with some friends that night (my sister was going to babysit), so I decided to keep my plans. I felt a little weird about it... Patrick's band had a gig that night and I hate to be home all day and night by myself, so I told my mom that Jules was a little sick, and headed up to Culver City anyway. He seemed to enjoy his visit, and when my sister got home, I told her what had happened. The timing was perfect: I gave him his Tylenol before I had to leave to meet my friends. I checked in with her while I was gone, and she said he was acting as he always does: playing with her and my parents, having a fun night. He was just a little hotter than usual.

It was good for me to go out, and I think too, that letting my sister take care of him that night was a good idea. He has so much fun with her.

We kept up all the Tylenol, and he was a pretty good sport about taking it. By 7 p.m. on Saturday night, he was totally fever free.

It's been a couple of weeks since then, and we're not exactly sure what caused the fever. I don't see any new teeth... and he's been fine. I check his temperature all the time, though.

Weaning from the Pump: Week 2

As of today, I have been back at work for exactly one year. Exton is 15-1/2 months old.

This is mostly what I'm thinking about today:
LLLI | Weaning from the Pump

As of two weeks ago, I was still pumping three times a day (my work day is 10 hours, and I'm away from home for a full 12... it's a long time to be gone). Last week, I cut down to 2. This week I'm cutting it down to once a day. Yesterday I came in to work late (the exciting weekend cut into my sleep) so I didn't take a break in the morning, but today I'm looking forward to taking a walk at 10. I hope the sun comes out.

A lot of people have indicated that they weaned from the pump and it in no way had a bad effect on their milk supply or their nursing relationship with their child. I hope it's the same for me! I also hope it doesn't mean Ex ups his night nursing again... I was just starting to get used to getting a little more sleep.

Checking in

The weekend was a big combination of highs and lows, none of which I'd like to describe, right here or right now. The one thing I will say is that JP had a pretty high fever and there was some scary stuff involved but now he's just fine, and I guess all I can do is chalk it up to a learning experience.

We went to Fatburger, and I had my usual Fatburger with cheese, relish, pickles, lettuce... and then I added a fried egg, and I will tell you that it was quite possibly the most decadent thing I've eaten in weeks. It was also delicious. Surprisingly, Patrick was pleased with his veggie burger (he never likes veggie burgers). And, JP loves French fries. Oops.

I had time for only one bike ride on Sunday, and though it was a beautiful day, it was so windy! But, almost everyone I saw smiled or waved at me, and one guy called me "baby" (as in "on your left, baby!"). I have to admit: I thought that was pretty cool.

Good news: this morning, every single pair of pants I own was too big.
Bad news: I really can't afford to replace all my pants right now.


I've been pretty swamped at work lately, and it's continuing into this week unfortunately, but I hope to get on top of everything by the end of the week. I have a couple deadlines coming up, one for a project I'm managing but not actively doing the work on, and another project that starts whether I'm ready or not. My part will be figuring out how to keep our employees informed and interested. Another project involves reviewing driver records of about 1,000 employees. I now know the California Vehicle Code numbers for a variety of offenses. Let's just say I'm not the only one around here to get a "cell phone" ticket. I'm no longer embarrassed by my stupidity; instead, I belong to club of wrong doers, and I have to admit: I think that's kind of cool, too.
 
(This is a joke. Sheesh.)
 
Right now I'm taking a break from doing my "How Am I Driving" related paperwork. I just processed one for an employee whose first name is Terence. I am truly a child of the 80s, because this quote instantly came to my mind.
 
"Name's Terence. Owns a pet shop. We'll see what happens."
- Iona, from Pretty in Pink
 
Remember Terence? How he asked Andie to tell Iona to "shake her tail feather"? and the awesome white suit Iona wore for her date with him? Annie Potts is a gorgeous woman, but what's up with the pearl bolero tie?

Don't you wish Iona was telling Andie:
"Andie, honey: lace is not your friend."

 
 

Changes

I don't know how to start this one other than by jumping right in, so here goes:

Since last week, my milk production at work has been waaaaay down. Since I came back to work, almost a year ago, I've pumped 3 times a day. I've gotten anywhere from 12-16 ounces a day (total). Yesterday, though I still pumped 3 times, I only got 5 ounces.

This scared the hell out of me.

This is the milk that JP needs to take to daycare, to drink when he's with his daddy, when I'm at flute choir.

Yesterday, I talked to my friend Teresa, who has a lot of knowledge about this topic (she works with nursing moms, and she also has an adorable 10 month old, and a teenager; she has experience!), and she helped me calm down.

I know that JP is getting older, and eating more "real food," and that just because I stop pumping during the day, that doesn't mean I will stop nursing him when I'm home. For some reason, though, I felt weird about it. I'm glad I talked to her because she reminded me that it's totally normal. So, over the next couple of weeks, I'm going to taper off at work.

On the one hand... my little man is growing up, and that makes me feel sad. I learned so much from that little baby, about my body, my abilities, and about him as an infant. Now that he's getting older I know I will learn even more.

On the other hand, I was so sick of pumping! It used up my breaks; when I went to training or meetings, I had to make sure there was a lactation room. I'll get to go for walks again, or take a nap in my car: these are good things. And I won't miss having to wash everything every night to make sure I have bottles and parts for the next day.

I called his daycare this morning and talked to the director. She's so nice - they take such good care of him there. They're going to start him out slowly, and I think today he's going to try drinking what the other kids are drinking (milk, I mean; they've been giving him a little juice and water for a few months). I hope he doesn't mind it.