Last night, while putting away the laundry, I somehow found myself watching "The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman." I usually watch at least one full episode of this stupid show every season, if only to remind myself how lucky I am to be married, how glad I am to be halfway intelligent, and to finally appreciate not being in my 20s anymore.
I have a couple of issues with this year's Bachelor. For one thing, why did they steal the title of a perfectly good (if incredibly sappy) movie? I haven't figured out what it is, exactly, that makes Andy a "gentleman." And then, is it just me, but with that title, shouldn't this be the gay bachelor? Are these women identifying with Debra Winger? Debra's character was lucky to have all her teeth - the women on this show don't even seem to have all their brains. The crying, the backstabbing, the ankle turning... ! The girls who don't like to ski! The rumors about so-and-so almost having sex with Andy! Almost! What drama over a slightly sweaty guy!
I mean, he seems normal enough, and to have some (possibly scripted) self-awareness, but the total crap this guy says to the women! If I met a guy who spoke to me the way Andy speaks to them, I would wet my pants from laughing. I'm not just saying the guy doesn't speak well - I'm saying the guy sounds so smarmy and insincere that for these dimwitted girls to say they're "falling in love with him" or "could fall in love with him" (and more than one of them has said that!) makes me wonder if ABC is giving them all roofies.
Anyway, not even "Television Without Pity" bothers to write a recap of this stupid-ass show, and I wonder if my watching it lowered my capacity for common sense. If so, I would like to blame today's misguided trip to McDonald's on... The Bachelor. Andy Baldwin, you owe me a gym membership.
...
"The Bachelor: The Rich Dufus Returns"
"The Bachelor: Andy Baldwin Gets Married"
"The Bachelor: Die (Watching) Another Day"
"The Bachelor: Apocolapyse Now Redux"
"The Bachelor: Curse of the Pearl Necklace"
I know, these are lame, childish, gross... but funny to me!
