I said something kind of annoying and stupid to a friend of mine on Saturday night, and then I followed it up with something equally kind of annoying and stupid that I can't seem to recover from.
I said, "...and I promise to grow up by Friday."
Without the context I know this is lame; maybe I can tell you that this was my possibly foolish attempt to keep things the way they had been and to move my friend's attention away from the original Kind of Annoying and Stupid thing I had just said. And it's not untrue, my need to grow up - you all know it's something that needs to be done, and by me; just because I only recently figured it out doesn't mean it wasn't always an issue (making the title of my blog a bit of a lie, because by posting Kurt's quote up there it would seem that I knew firsthand that maturity was a disappointment. No. Obviously. One thing I do know is that laughing about shit always makes me feel better, no matter how bad that shit is. But that's not quite the same thing, now is it). But by FRIDAY?
I mean, I've always been good with last-minute stuff, say, rehearsing for a concert or a recital or writing a paper or something, but to actually grow - to mature - I don't even know what that means, but I'm pretty sure it's the kind of thing that takes time, and now I have what, four days to do it in (I don't know what the consequences will be if I don't achieve this goal, I only know that I pissed off my friend once and possibly more than once, because I am a bit dogged sometimes when I have something really, really stupid to say: I do think before I speak, I recognize that what I'm about to say is dumb, but where I fuck up is, I actually say the thing that I know is going to ruin everything. Now you know it wasn't the first time I made an ass out of myself, but it was the first time my friend commented on it, and in a weary voice, too. Weary).
At the very least, maybe by Friday I will have learned to keep my big mouth shut.
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