A) On Saturday night I had a dream that someone I haven't spoken to in about 2 years called me and requested that I make him/her a PDF out of a Word document he/she was about to mail to me. In real life, the computer skills of this person surpass mine, and are on par with Patrick's (read: the two of them could rule the world if they worked together, which, ha! Would never, ever happen so long as one of them is in a relationship with me), and so the request for my skills with Adobe Acrobat Professional is puzzling. What does this mean? Dreams are so weird.
B) Patrick and I saw the movie "Night At the Museum - Battle Of the Smithsonian" this weekend. While I'm not a huge fan of Ben Stiller, I thought it was a cute movie. And the schlocky message (do what you love! protect your friends! DO WHAT YOU LOVE!) actually struck a chord with me. Also, we're trying to figure out how many parts of the Smithsonian we will have time to visit on our trip in two weeks to D.C. and the movie seemed like a fun way to see bits and pieces of it. Absolutely we are visiting Air & Space. I plan on specifically seeking out the stuffed astronaut "Abel." Also Ham, if they have him. Ah, now the whole "monkeys in space" thing makes sense, no? Yikes! I want to fly the Wright Bros. plane across the mall! Wouldn't that be a TERRIFIC theme park ride?
C) Even though I said I would never do it, I re-joined Weight Watchers. I'm doing it online again. I'm in the first week, and I did this last time: I am using this week to basically eat just about the same things I would eat were I not calculating the points values. And adding it all up. Next week I will make some changes. I was shocked to see that the last time I was online with Weight Watchers was 2006. About the same time I spoke with the person mentioned in item A, above. And at that time? I weighed 10 pounds less than I do now. Without the gym! Anyway, the first thing I did online at Weight Watchers was read an article on Self Talk.
B) + C) = Talk about schlocky. Along with the message from Ben Stiller's movie, evaluating my "self talk habits" also embarrassed me with its brilliant timeliness in regards to my own situation. There was a line in the article about how we say things to ourselves that we would never say to anybody else, and how these things collectively chew away at our self-respect.
This sounded familiar and ridiculous all at the same time.
D) Over the weekend, Patrick and I discussed my job and how I feel about it. Right now I am lucky indeed to have a job, so I like it okay. It pays very well. I am contributing mightily to our household funds. I mean, but, I'm an administrative assistant. I am not solving the world's problems. I am not solving my section's problems. It's not too hard and it's not super stressful (unlike my last job). But damn. Is this it? I know two people who right now are working toward either a degree or some sort of certification, and both of them are getting straight A's. One of them (my age) has a family and works. The other one (the older one) was laid off and yet is managing to pay her mortgage on a single income (her spouse, by the way, works in retail). I don't want to work in retail. I always talked about hating school. Was I just saying that or is it how I really felt (because I have a habit of hiding my real feelings behind disregard)? Is it because I am seeing the cute graduation pictures of my friends on their Facebook pages (people my age, older, and then the typical high-achieving high schoolers of whom I am proud! Go Katie!) and I'm a little jealous? Or maybe I really just wasn't very good at it and I was being honest for a change. I don't know if I want to go back to school (I say "go back" as if the things I accomplished at SMC and West LA College were actually "accomplishments" to which I could go back). But... I need a change, I need a change, I need a change, I need a change. I know I wrote that whole long thing about flute playing the other day...
I need a change.
When Patrick and I were walking out of the movie theater this weekend, I thought, even if I took a class (in what?), what then? Would I have the energy to devote to it? Would it take away from my extra-curricular activities (flute choir, where I am sort of under-utilized; City Garage, where I work for free and for social interaction; my TV watching and internet surfing habits would also be jeopardized)? What do I love? How do you people figure this out? And why am I so fucking old now?
I can tell you this much: I do not love getting up at 5 a.m. to go to a job where I have to repeatedly explain to my co-workers how to scan a document, make it into a goddamn PDF and email it to somebody.
Oh! I think I just figured out A).
I have that exact same phone on my desk!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I share your ambiguous feelings about work. Maybe it's the phone's influence?
Norstar Phone, you better watch out. We're on to your evil plan to spread general malaise and ennui! We will fight you to the death! And I will re-do the stupid stickers my co-worker put on you!
ReplyDeleteFuck.
ReplyDeleteI just applied online to yet another Community College (LB City College) for Fall 2009 admission, with a vague plan of finishing all those lame classes you're supposed to take at Community College before you transfer to a real school. In this case, I'm thinking CSU Long Beach (convenient!). To learn what? To be decided.
However.
This is not the first time I have done this (applying online was easy + free). And fall is a long time from now.
To be continued...
finishing your degree is always a good idea, but doing so will be a frustrating process if you don't have something more in mind. at this point in your life, having the bachelor's degree will not dramatically expand your employment options, so you need a bigger plan... something that will get you through the sacrifice and give you a reason to keep going.
ReplyDeleteif you were one of my students, i would tell you that you're a wonderful and gifted writer, and that you should perhaps consider an MA in English or and MFA in Creative Writing [both excellent programs at CSULB, by the way]. lots of good career options from there: corporate, non-profit, public sector, community college instructor [i bet you think you'd hate it, but i suspect you'd be really good.]
anyway, that's my two cents. i have at least two cents more, if ever you want them.
finishing your degree is always a good idea, but doing so will be a frustrating process if you don't have something more in mind. at this point in your life, having the bachelor's degree will not dramatically expand your employment options, so you need a bigger plan... something that will get you through the sacrifice and give you a reason to keep going.
ReplyDeleteif you were one of my students, i would tell you that you're a wonderful and gifted writer, and that you should perhaps consider an MA in English or and MFA in Creative Writing [both excellent programs at CSULB, by the way]. lots of good career options from there: corporate, non-profit, public sector, community college instructor [i bet you think you'd hate it, but i suspect you'd be really good.]
anyway, that's my two cents. i have at least two cents more, if ever you want them.